When I was younger…5, 6, 7ish…and things weren’t going the way
my little brain thought they should, I’d whine, “That’s not fair!!!�
Maybe my sister didn’t get punished as badly as I did.
Maybe other kids didn’t have to do their homework before going
out to play like we did.
Maybe other families gave allowances, but we didn’t.
My constant complaint was “It’s
NOT fair!�
To which my mom’s notorious reply was, “Life’s NOT fair!�
Her response quieted my complaining but not the dream of
equality within me. It’s pretty
hard to kill a child’s inner dream, for as children we don’t rationalize nor
analyze nor justify with cognitive reasoning…we just believe the dream within.
Over the past few weeks this complaint also arose as if I were 5,
6, 7 again.
Maybe a teammate got more internet time than I did.
Maybe another team has an easier or better day of ministry.
Maybe someone was given permission to be late.
The situations I throw the “Its
not fair flag.� on are still just as petty
as they were 15 years ago. However I really do feel the same level of
unfairness. I still see the situation as unfair. The thing that’s really
changed is that I merely keep my thoughts to myself. Afterall, it doesn’t seem
like things really change. Life continues to be NOT fair…just as my mom said.
But the inner dream is there. I can only cry out, “It’s NOT fair.� if somewhere along
the way I’ve tasted & seen fairness. Did my initial dose of fair treatment
come from my society & culture of entitlement? Or did fairness originate
before then? It had to!!
I keep saying, “It’s NOT fair.� waiting for an answer…one that will satisfy the inner ache. My
mom’s answer has proven true, but somewhere within me I still believe that
fairness can be obtained. The dream hasn’t died. Hope is still winning. Though
the fulfillment is unseen.
So I wonder, is God fair?
Does He do things fair?
I can’t answer that based on what I’ve seen nor experienced of
God. Rather I must answer the question of God’s fairness based on His
character…the essence of who He is.
FAIR means to be “free from bias, dishonesty, or injustice�
*I know that God is free from bias for He shows no partiality.
(Gals 2:6, Acts 10:34)
*I know that God is honest for He doesn’t lie. (Num 23:19)
*I know that God is just for He says He is. (1 John 1:9)
Therefore I can firmly say
GOD IS FAIR!
However He is fair & just according to the fullness of truth, that which I don’t
always have in mind. He sees things that I don’t. He knows things that I don’t.
And maybe the fair is seen on the other side of eternity rather than today. I
can say that I know God is fair, I just don’t always understand it.
There are still some kinks in this line of thoughts…some things
I still haven’t ironed out. But that’s where I have been & what I’ve been
thinking on.
Then last night happened…
We went out to spend time with some homeless people here in
Belfast, Northern Ireland. Honestly I had spent all day working & was
beyond tired. I really had no words, no brain waves, no happiness. All I wanted
to do was go home & sleep. But that wasn’t an option.
We split into groups & went out. Logan, Jennifer Miele,
myself, & some locals were together. We spent our evening with 2 different
groups of folks on the street. It was the second group that really hit me. The
3 of them had all been on the streets for a variety of time, from 10 years to 8
months. They sat there rolling & smoking cigarettes while we talked.
Honestly I didn’t know what to say to a homeless person. So I
tried to ask few questions and listen a bunch. Turns out, they like to talk to
me…and really everyone. I spoke mainly with Michael…the 40year old who had been
homeless for 10 years. He was drunk and his speech was slurred but we talked
anyways. I asked about his family & he said he shouldn’t go round them much
because he looked like a tramp. My heart broke. I wanted to give him more than
a sandwich. I wanted to fix his situation. In that moment I just wanted to help
him not be homeless anymore. But all I could do was listen & love a little.
As we got up to leave, Sam, the man Logan was talking to,
started pour out his heart to the entire group. He said, “You ask me if I need anything…yes I do. I need more than shoes.
I need more than a sandwich. I need a bed. I need a home.� I nearly lost it…nearly burst into tears right there. He wasn’t
being rude. He wasn’t being angry. He was merely honest. He needed home. He pointed to the puddle of running,
dried blood that was in the corner beside him & he said he wanted somewhere
safe to live.
(Sam & I hugging)
~Taken by Logan Kaynes
He, too, was crying out, “Its
NOT fair.�
Where had he tasted of fairness?
Where had this 50yr old man learned about fairness?
Would he ever see it on this side of eternity?
I don’t know. Questions ran through my head & still do. “Why
can’t he get a job, work, & pay rent?�
“Why doesn’t he stay in a shelter?�
“Why don’t homeless people just get sober & clean so that
can take care of themselves?�
The questions can go on. I, myself, love the questions. But at
some point I have to stop trying to question & just help.
I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know what it all looks
like lived out. But I do know that it will cost me something. Helping isn’t
always easy or convenient. But it is needed. I am still wrestling through
this…asking God how in the world its fair for people to be millionaires &
others to be poor. Or how some can have money to vacation yet some not have
enough to live.
And as I wrestle I could remain unaffected by it…numb…not allowing myself to cry or be sad about the injustice I see
(and probably have contributed to). OR I could allow it to affect me, break me, hurt me, mess me up so much that I can’t see at night.
And you have the same choice.
REMEMBER:
Life’s Not Fair, But God is… in His Time!
We are welcomed to join Him.
