The more I go on in life, the more I learn that when God tells me to “Go“… I should just get up and go.
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Over the past year, God has been asking me some really BIG questions. Questions that I never really thought He would ask me specifically.
It’s new.
It’s weird.
It’s scary.
But, it’s good.
Along with these questions, He’s been asking me to do big things. Going on the World Race is a prime example. Sure, this whole trip has been really cool, but it’s big. It’s new. It’s weird. It’s scary. It’s not necessarily what I wanted. But, it’s good.
Through all of the big questions and things He’s been asking of me, He’s been showing me that all of it is not only for the benefit of others (which is what I tend to focus on), but they are also for my own personal benefit.
Most of the time when God asks me these big things, I jump to the worst case scenarios for myself in my mind. “Oh my gosh, I’m going to live overseas alone for the rest of my life,” “Oh my gosh, I’m going to miss my best friend’s wedding,” “Oh my lawd, I’m never going to live close to my family again”… Call me crazy, but I have a problem with over-thinking and not trusting (two things I have been working on A LOT this year).
However, God proves me wrong in my thinking every time.
This year I’ve been learning that God asks me to do big things because they are good. They are good for Him. They are good for others. They are good for me. All I need to do is simply obey. To taste and see that the Lord is good.
To taste and see that the Lord’s plans and thoughts are much, much higher than my own, and that whatever I might conjure up in my mind about them is probably wrong because God is way cooler than my fears.
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Following is my favorite personal example of everything I mentioned above. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I am enjoying experiencing it. 🙂
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Two months ago (while we were on month 9 in Rwanda) I started to feel the Lord calling me to return to the orphanage I worked at in Kenya.
My first thoughts went somewhat along these lines:
“Ugh, really God? I’m kinda really ready to just go home…”
“Hmmm… okay, but when, why, and for how long?”
“OMG, God’s going to ask me to stay there forever”
“OMG, I’m never going home”
“OMG, I’m never going home”
“Okay, calm down and don’t be dramatic… okay wait, PANIC!”
“Okay, I’ll go… am I supposed to go now or should I finish the Race? Do I go in 6 months? In a year? In 23 years?”
… I think you get the picture.
So, even after deciding with myself to leave Africa and continue on in the Race, I continued to wrestle with this thought and to try and hear God’s voice in it. The more I thought and prayed about it, the more I understood that this trip was to occur immediately after the Race, and that the purpose for my going was to rest and process the last year of my life before returning back to the States. The more I thought and prayed about it, the more I felt that it was to be for only two weeks, and that I should return home on December 23, to be specific. The more I thought and prayed about it, the more confirmation I saw and heard all around me. Confirmation like crazy, like… Holy Spirit crazy: Kenya, the number 23, and the concept of taking time out of my life to process the Race popped up everywhere I went. & When I say everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE.
It was on the train to Beijing at the end of our month 10 in China that I realized I must go. My friend and teammate, Kelli, had just finished telling me about the movie she watched (which just happened to be about a man moving to Africa to help the people there stand up for themselves in the midst of the war going on around them) when I realized that all of the confirmation popping up around me was no coincidence.
So I gave myself one more day to pray about it and realized that I actually was really excited to go. I understood that the orphanage we worked at in Kenya was my favorite ministry of the year, so why shouldn’t I be excited to return and see the kids again? Plus, one of my friends on my squad, Freweini, had already decided to return to the same city in Kenya after the Race months beforehand, so at least I was going with a friend! Double win… “Okay, I’m going.”
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A few days after talking with Freweini and deciding to return to Kenya, I forfeited my flight home from the Philippines that was to be on December 6 and bought my own ticket heading to Nairobi, Kenya on the same date. At the time I bought my ticket to Kenya, I was still wrestling with the length of time – “Is it really for two weeks, or should I stay longer?”. One big factor to making this decision was money – I had absolutely NO money to fly myself back to the states… but I felt like God was going to provide the money in a really, really cool way.
Little did I know He was going to provide the money in a way that would completely rock my world and change my life forever.
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After buying my ticket to Nairobi, I shot my dad an email and told him that I was going back to Kenya after the race for a few weeks to process all of the amazing insanity that my last year has consisted of. I guess in that email I invited him to join me… although I don’t really remember doing so, and the bit of me that does remember knew that he would respond with a, “I can’t join you, sorry”.
** (Long story short, for those of you who don’t know, my father is an amazing man but the two of us have kindof a messy history that we have been trying to overcome for years. We just can’t figure out how to conquer the past effectively, you know? Also, my father has a medical history that would make it really difficult for him to travel overseas to Africa.)
A few hours after sending that email, I got the response from my father that I expected… “Sorry, but I just can’t come to Kenya.”
“Whew… okay, well, I guess this is all me, then, Lord”
& On I went to finish the last month of my Race strong…
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The next morning as I signed into my email, I quickly noticed an email from my father entitled:
“RETHINKING KENYA”
…..um, what?!
*click to open*
“Emily, I’ve been rethinking your offer to join you in Kenya. First I want to thank you for inviting me to join you. Secondly, I think this opportunity would give us something special to share together and would truly be a new experience for me. I have to look into a few things first, but give me some time and I’ll let you know.”
*insert buckets of tears here*
Seriously, I cried forreal for one of the few times this year. Ask my teammates, haha.
“Whoa, God, that would be so amazing… pleaseee let him say yes!”
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6 days later I have two new emails in my inbox from my dad.
One containing the itinerary for a flight for him to get from Philadelphia to Nairobi and back.
The other containing the itinerary for a flight for me to get home to Philadelphia from Nairobi.
BOTH bought to return to America on December 23.
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My dad is coming to Kenya with me after the Race. It’s really happening. How beautiful is that?!
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Man, hindsight is a beautiful thing and God is so cool.
Seriously.
Here I am freaking out because God is calling me to return to Kenya. Here I am panicking about the thought of staying overseas for longer than I intended. Here I am doubting God and His sovereign plan and all of His goodness. Here I am being such a girl. Here I am being so human.
Little did I know through my moments of questioning that the Lord was calling me to Kenya so that I could process this past year with my father. Little did I know that the Lord was calling me to Kenya so that our relationship could be restored. Little did I know that the person I want to process this past year with the most is in fact my dad. Little did I know that God was really going to prove Himself faithful in providing me a plane ticket home in a really cool way on the exact date He told me – little did I know that that really cool way was going to include my father sitting by my side on that beautiful flight home.
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Man, if that doesn’t show you just how cool God is, then I don’t know what will.
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So then, it’s official.
My World Race experience is officially over on December 6, 2013.
My Kenyan experience with my dad begins on December 7, 2013.
My “homecoming” experience begins on December 23, 2013.
Word to the word to the worddd.
Praise God!
