I’m currently on a train heading back to one of my favorite cities, Sofia, Bulgaria. As I sit here in my second class seat in a car full of Bulgarians, I realize that for the first time in five months, I am alone. Obviously, I’m not alone alone – but… I am World Race alone. Having to be in Sofia two days ahead of the rest of our squad in order to get things prepared for our month five debrief session has put me on this train by myself. Away from the family I have formed over the past five months. For 4 whole hours I am nowhere near my friends. How strange…
Five months ago I would have been and definitely was starving for this opportunity to get away… to simply just be alone… Now, I’m not quite so sure how to feel, though I am extremely comfortable sitting with these Bulgarians.
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One benefit this solitude brings me is the opportunity to just sit. To be still and process the last half-year of my life as I look out the window over the green, lush Bulgarian countryside. Almost every memory is followed by my asking, “Whaaaaat?! Did that really happen? Or is this all just a dream?” … & With that, every memory brings me back to my heart – recognizing where it’s been and where it currently lies. I think about what has made me smile. What has made me cry. What has made me laugh so hard that I cried. What has torn my heart to pieces. What has helped mend it back together again. What has frustrated me. What has confused me. What has made complete and total sense to me. What has brought me joy. What has brought me peace.
In pondering all of these things, I can’t help thinking how crazy this whole adventure is. I keep imagining one of the people in this car asking me about the last six months of my life, and how I wouldn’t even know where to start in answering their questions. I imagine my response being one of two extremes: complete and total loss for words or complete and total word vomit. So much has happened. So much has changed. It truly is difficult to process and explain. I mean, common, I haven’t even fully processed leaving America yet!
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On the flip side, I can’t help looking at the people around me and wondering the same for them: what has happened to them throughout their lives and where have those events placed their hearts? I wonder what the woman sitting next to me playing sudoku has been through – marriage, childbearing, divorce, career change, sickness? I wonder what the girl across the way is studying for and why she has a passion for that topic – to be a doctor, teacher, lawyer, politician? I wonder if the boy and girl who look to be the same age as me have been through the same things I have… if they battle with the same concepts that I do… if they want to change the world like I do… if they have experienced similar heartaches and joys like I have.
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In all of this, I realize how special life is. How unique each individual on this earth is… and at the same time how similar we all are to each other. I see how fragile the heart is. How every experience we have shapes us into who we are today. & How important it is for us to help each other through. How crucial it is to ask questions about each other’s lives – and to be prepared for the response of a loss for words or for complete and total word vomit. That is the beauty of life. That is the reason we’re here on this earth (combined with loving God and sharing His joy with those around us, of course).
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That is also the reason why I’m excited about our upcoming debrief and to see the smiling faces of some of my squadmates again in a couple of hours.
Joy.
🙂
