I’m a fighter.
Not really with other people.
But with God.
I’ve accepted over the past couple of months the fact that I have a problem when it comes to obeying God… when I know He is trying to guide me in a certain direction. I mostly struggle with this when it comes to major life decisions I have to make… but then again, I'll be honest: I struggle with it in the “smaller” situations as well. For some reason I think that I’m smarter than God. For some reason I think that I always know what’s best for my life.
But oh, how wrong I so often am.
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I decided at the beginning of this month that I need to rid myself of this habit.
I decided that I need to start obeying God from the get-go. I need to stop arguing with Him for days, weeks, and even months about His plan for my life. I need to humble myself and just do what He tells me (man, Nike really has something good going on there with that slogan of theirs).
So, I’m trying… and it’s difficult.
It’s difficult, but it’s so good at the same time.
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In this process, I’m learning that a lot of obeying God comes down to sacrifice…
…To sacrificing my desires in order to follow His.
I’m learning that in asking for these sacrifices, God is not asking me to give up things that I love or desires that I have just for the hell of it. Rather, He is asking me to step into something that is better. He is drawing me to a higher place in life.
Sometimes, He asks us to give up things that are detrimental to our lives. He is trying to save us from the damage and heartache those things bring.
& Sometimes, He asks us to give up things that are good… things that have enhanced our lives in one way, shape, or form. I’m finding that in asking us to give up those good things, sometimes He is trying to teach us discipline, sometimes He is trying to draw us closer to Him, and sometimes He is asking us to give up that which is good for something even better.
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I want to share with you an experience I had with the last statement I made: That sometimes God asks us to give up something that is good for something that is even better.
This weekend most of my squad went to Italy. They booked some hostels, hopped on an overnight ferry across the Adriatic Sea, and glided into Italy for the weekend.
Originally I was planning on going, because ummmm… why wouldn’t I have?!
However, long story short… my ticket purchase for the ferry didn’t go through and I started to wonder if it was worth all the hassle to fix it. In this process, I heard God telling me to stay home instead – to give up my desire to visit Italy and just stay in Lezhe instead.
So, I stayed… and I’m so glad that I did.
Though I know Italy would have been a blast, God has been showing me almost every hour why staying in Lezhe was better for me.
He has blessed me in so many ways.
Here’s a few (these things might seem minor to you, but they’re pretty to me):
- He gave me a bike to ride! I think having a bike has been one of the things I’ve missed the most on the race. Friday night as everyone was heading out for Italy, Rachel (George’s employee that I have been running with) whipped out 3 bikes from storage and left them out on the property. I flipped out and rode one around like I was 8 years old again, screaming, “THIS IS WHY I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO GO TO ITALY!” I repeated those actions last night as well. Then today Jordan and I took a ride into town. I’ve been wanting to do that ALL MONTH. We made it into town within 15 minutes, as opposed to the typical hour long walk. It was glorious. I’ve never enjoyed weaving in and out of traffic so much in my life.
- I have been able to continue to run with Rachel in the mornings and develop some solid life conclusions from doing so (see my blog about it!).
- This morning Chaney, Rachel, and I ran to the Adriatic Sea, which is another desire I have had all month. Nothing but a solid 6 mile run from our property. J
- He has given me time to be alone. Completely alone. At first it was weird, because I haven’t been truly alone for at least 4 months, but I got over that pretty quickly and have been embracing the moments of solitude I continue to get.
- I was able to Skype with one of my best friends! It was so amazing and very much needed… I even cried a little out of joy (this whole race is turning me into a mom with my tears).
- I have been able to catch up on blogs, emails, and facebook. I’ve pretty much been neglecting those things for the past month, so it feels good to catch up a bit.
- I was able to visit one of my favorite bar/cafes in town one last time.
- Rachel gave Chaney and me a running magazine. A RUNNING MAGAZINE! IN ENGLISH! Not a big deal to you – BIG DEAL to us!
- I’ve had some really amazing conversations with friends who also stayed back from Italy.
- I’ve been able to enjoy the property and be with the people who work here a few last times.
- The list goes on and on and on.
The thing that I love the most about all of these things is that they all have reminded me of who I am. Sometimes it can be easy to forget that on the Race – not of who I am in regards to my character, but in regards to the things I love doing on an everyday basis. When you don’t have those things within arms reach for such a long time, it can be easy to forget.
So, God told me to stay home from Italy (something good) this weekend so He could bless me, revive me, and remind me of who I fully am – in every dimension of my being (something better).
Looks like obeying Him isn’t so bad after all.
🙂
