….It does not surprise me that it has taken me so long to write about my fears…because yes there are times when fear has gripped my heart so tight that I can’t sleep…somtimes the fear comes out of nowhere and i am not even thinking about the world race, things just come into my head, the enemy has certainly not been helping either….
Things I fear…..
– Will I be safe overseas? What if i get sick or hurt…
– Am i seriously sleeping in a tent for a year….i don’t even know how to put one up!
– What will i eat in 11 different countries… I am so picky
– Will I be able to connect with people I meet overseas while using an interpreter
– Will I just wear the same 5 shirts over and over again for a year?
– How on earth will i raise this much money, what have a gotten myself into!?
– I am very very afraid of the dark and usually sleep with a nightlight
– At night my mind races easily even when i am in a house WITH lights on, how will i be overseas
– I will miss my family and friends sooooo much, how will i be without them
– I am just one person, how much can i really do
– Even the packing started to become a fear, will i leave really important things behind?
– I had a dream that all my teammates were really close friends and I felt left out and alone
The Lord spoke to me about all of these things in this verse…
….do not worry about your life, what you will eat or about your body, what you will wear…consider the ravens: they do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn, yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable are you than birds! Who of you can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very thing, why do you worry about the rest? ….O you of little faith…seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well…do not be afriad little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you his kingdom….for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also….. Luke 12: 22-34
You know it was not until the Lord called me to leave all of the “stuff” I have that i started to realize where part of my heart lies….i look around my room at all the things i have collected over the years, i look at all the trinkets, at my closet full of way too many clothes i do not need…..and it hits me, i have always said my treasure is completely in Christ but as the Lord begins to peel back the layers of my heart I realize one of my fears is leaving this comfort zone i have set up for myself here, full of my things that i find comfort in. I say each day I trust the Lord with all my heart and will follow his will wherever he leads….yet i know when i say that i have hot water in the shower, lots of food in the fridge, a roof over my head, tons of clothes, a pool to swim in, plenty of clean water, and honestly basically anything i could want at the tip of my fingers because you can always take out loans to buy whatever you need….. it is not bad to have clothes in your closet, and food in the fridge…but now when that is taken away from me the Lord asks me….
….where is your faith, child? you say I am your treasure and everything that you need yet when i ask you to leave it all you hesitate. I tell you leave it all behind and i will provide for you and your hands grab anything you can hold to take with you. Where is your faith my daughter? Have i not provided for you your entire life, why would now be any different? You have created a “storeroom” for yourself full of many things that bring you comfort in this life and now for this time in your life i am asking you step away from it all, come and be with me. Let me show you I am truly everything you will ever need in life and from water to drink to the places you will stay I will guide and protect you and give you what you need. Have I not made your steps firm during this entire process and who has held you up through your fears? I am your refuge, I am your fortress, I am close to the brokenhearted and I save those crushed in spirit, and I will gather you in my arms when you fall and carry you close to my heart…. So do not fear my precious child, I will never leave you, put your heart completely in me…..
“My grace is sufficent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”
2 Corinthians 12:8
…You live among the least of these the weary and the weak and it would be a tragedy for me to turn away…all my needs you have supplied, when i was dead you gave me life, how could i not give it away freely? I’ll follow you into the homes of the broken, I’ll follow you into the world, I’ll meet the needs of the poor and the needy. God, I’ll follow you into the world…use my hands, use my feet, to make your kingdom come to the corners of the earth until your work is done. Faith without works is dead and on the cross your blood was shed, so how could we not give it away so freely? I give all myself, I give all myself…to you…..
