Hope: a feeling of expectation or desire for a certain thing to happen
Ever traveled for an extended period of time? Every month we pack up all of our belongings, say goodbye to those we have met, and start again. Constant change is exciting when you have hope. As the race began, every country was new and full of adventure. My team was eager for growth and revelations from God. Month one didn’t pose much struggle. The race was just beginning and we were fresh on adrenaline. Month two posed some challenges as our personalities began to clash and tough conversation arose. We continued to cling to God and bond as a team. Month three we entered seclusion. We stayed in a rice village, no internet, no television, no escape. It was a month of evident growth. I was able to spend lots of quality time with Jesus and my teammates. I started to explore my personality and discover things I wanted to change. I pushed myself in ministry and outside of my comfort zone. I was encouraged by my teammates as we worked through our differences and struggles with conflict. As we got into deeper levels of one another, we didn’t give up. We spent lots of time together, growing in faith and understanding.
Month four we focused on having fun. Despite a very stressful ministry, we were able to laugh and bond. We became friends and had lots of fun shopping, bowling, playing games, and watching movies. Spiritual growth during month four and five looked a bit different. Malaysia and Japan provided free internet, daily! It provided a busy schedule with lots of distractions. During these months, I was able to close my eyes and pretend I was in America. After a long day of teaching or hanging out with kids, I relaxed with some tv or internet and went to bed. Days would pass without many challenges or reflection.
I awoke in month six. Welcome to Eastern Europe. I felt discouraged from the “lack of growth” I had seen. But, I realized that we have a choice. Daily we can choose to pick up our bibles and be disciplined or we can choose to leave it on the shelf. Daily we can choose to invest in the team or we can be cordial roommates.
I have a choice. Do I want to continue to get the most from my experience overseas or do I just want to take some cool photos? But here’s the catch. I’m losing hope. The hope I had during the first three months is fading. Slowly, new countries and saying goodbye every month, is losing its luster. I look at my teammates and see their faults. I don’t believe they can change. I don’t see the small steps of growth. During the first three months, change was on the surface and much more evident. Now we are getting to the core of people and the things that take longer to change.
I have to choose to see the small steps. To see the small victories. To see the small changes. I have to choose to hope in my teammates. I have to choose hope each day. I have to choose to trust that the Lord is still moving and working.
In the end, I choose hope.
I will fight for my friendships.
I will fight for spiritual growth.
I will continue to press on.
