It’s December! I have already been to three countries. In my head I have to remind myself that it’s no longer September. China feels like forever ago. Moving country to country has become my new normal. Taking long bus rides, flying on airplanes every month, living out of a backpack, sleeping in bunk beds, constantly hearing people speak a different language, and wearing the same clothes every day has become the new normal.
The last three months has taught me how to live in community. How do I live in a community of people I didn’t pick? How do I live with people who approach life in a completely different way? How do I live with people who disagree with me? How do I express myself and my ideas in a loving way? How do I show people their thoughts are valid and important? This month my team is alone (just the 6 of us). Every month thus far we have been paired with other teams, so we have had more people to get to know/run to when things get rough. I am looking forward to seeing how our team adjust to being completely alone.
Three things I am learning through the race are; to love others when I disagree with them, to serve my team without expecting anything in return, and how to live freely in Christ.
One thing that is bound to happen on the race is to have teammates disagree with me. When discussing expectation of a team, a friendship, or how to accomplish a task, there are always differing views. How do we operate as a team despite disagreeing with the way things should be handled? This was a big theme during my month in Cambodia. I found myself wanting to acknowledge people’s viewpoints without being afraid to speak my own. I try to find the balance between “giving in” to others and stepping back and not just giving up because I don’t feel like fighting for my voice. I have had many conversations where I validate the justifications behind what someone does and voicing that I was hurt or disappointed by their actions. It’s an interesting balance to find and one I will be working on for my entire life.
My team loves to serve one another. I have been learning how to serve without expecting anything in return. Expectations are tricky. We all have them and sometimes it is good to expect things and sometimes it just leaves you disappointed. This race has taught me how to let others serve me and be a little less independent. I have always been a very self-sufficient individual, but I have found that letting others help me actually feels really nice. First of all, it gives the other person validation that they are needed and appreciated. Secondly, it lightens my load and helps me know I don’t have to walk life alone. Serving is a big theme for me race. I came on the race wanting to learn how to serve others (especially men) and let them serve me. I have come to realize that I really enjoy being served by the people around me and have come to depend on my teammates while I’m away from home.
How do I freely live in Christ, while still trying to “do” what I’m supposed to do? I have read through Romans many times in the last few months. I always pause on Romans 7. “Why do I do what I don’t want to do, it’s the sin within me, not myself.” How do I balance living for Christ and prioritizing my desire to know him better, without creating a checklist or becoming a slave to my schedule? I want to seek God’s voice (through scripture or prayer) without just doing it out of obligation. I want to give myself grace when I fall asleep while praying and realize that God is still pleased. I want to give myself grace when I feel like I didn’t “do” enough for God with my day. How do I freely live in Christ and trust that God is pleased with me even when I don’t accomplish all that I wanted to accomplish? I want to be an example of a person who is free in Christ. Free to love as Christ and free to serve him. I do not what to live a life of obligation and fear that I am not doing “enough” at the end of each day.
Overall, I have truly enjoyed my team. We are able to be honest with one another and I enjoy friendships with everyone on my team. They all look a little different but it is great to be known by everyone. We love to laugh and make jokes, but we also enjoy talking through things and giving advice to one another. As I start ministry in Malaysia, I want to focus on what God has for me and not get distracted by worrying for other people. I want to continue to learn how to disagree with others well, serve the people around me, and live freely in Christ and learn what he has for me.
