Training Camp recap ::: About 2pm on Tuesday afternoon, the lack of sleep starts to hit me. I have been up for about 32 hours after (NOT) sleeping on the bus with my squad. I have spent the morning listening to our wonderful speaker. As I fight exhaustion and hunger, all I want is to relax. As my teammate Bethany sleeps, I take her IPOD to get my worship music fix for the day. I lay down in the hallway and half pray, half listen, half sleep. Then a song comes on that I can't ignore. "More Wonderful" by Aaron Shust. I had never heard this song before but it perfectly sums up my week at Training Camp (well at least the first 3 days). It was only Tuesday!
God of unending grace, I come to you on my face
Last year in France, I talked with my friend Clare about being vulnerable before God. I've never worshiped or prayed to God down on my knees. I think that going to my knees would be too vulnerable of a position and I would just start weeping. That all changed at training camp. Monday night I found myself flat on the floor, my face in my hands, praying out to God. I had literally come to Him on my face; waiting for Him to meet me. I was done searching. I had surrendered completely and waited to feel Him at my most vulnerable moment.
I need to hear you speak to me. Won't you make me new right now.
I have prayed out to God for many years now, desiring to "hear" from Him. I wanted to actually feel him and hear Him. I have felt for years that I was blocking myself from experiencing God and I was doing something wrong. I have always desired to feel close to God in a way that comforts me like nothing else. I've wanted to have God completely renew and change me. But how am I supposed to do that?
May we leave here changed because we've met with you God.
At training camp, I met with God. I felt His presence like never before. I could feel Him at times beside me, comforting me, and speaking to me. The Lord changed me during the week as He told me that I was worthy. I have always struggled with feeling worthy of people's time. Often selling myself short and giving into the lie that "if I left no one would notice." I didn't allow people to get too close to me because I was doing them a favor. The Lord changed me this week! He told me that I am worthy. He told me that I am His and He has great plans for my life!
You've been more wonderful to me then I could ever imagined. You've shown more love than I could show in a thousand years…You've got to know that I love you, you've got to know that I need you!
I could not imagine a life without God. He is what keeps me moving forward when struggles come my way. He's the one who puts a smile on my face as I take in the sunshine and beautiful landscape around me. I need God more than anything else in this world. His promises is what allows me to take the risk of quitting my job and traveling around the world for a year.
Give us all a taste of what the Holy Spirit can do.
During training camp, I was exposed to the Holy Spirit in a new way. I was eager to learn what the Holy Spirit's role is in the trinity and how it affects my everyday life. I've never realized the power we receive from the Spirit and how it works in our lives.
Time and time we betrayed, but our debts already been paid.
I fall short every day. I am the type of person who for years made promises to read my bible or be a "better" Christian. Those empty promises left me feeling guilty and like a hypocrite. So eventually I stopped making God promises and just lived life. However, through all that God remained faithful to me.
And all that leaves me wanting is to live for you, God
How do I live for Christ? By surrendering my life to Him. The turning point for me at training camp was surrendering my mind to Christ. It is not I who will change me. It is not I who can make myself better. It is God. It is the Holy Spirit living in me that renews me every morning. The speaker often said, "Jesus do anything you need to do in me, so that you can do all that you want to do through me." That statement shows that it has nothing to do with us! We are just called to surrender and be willing to be used by God.
So my turning point? I prayed out to God, "I surrender my mind to you God. I let go of all my judgmental, self-deprecating, and unwholesome thoughts." I heard God affirm in me that, "I am worthy and beautiful." From that moment forward I have walked with a new confidence! It has been amazing. I live for Christ!
