Ok. So.
I’ve been reading a lot of Jamie the Very Worst Missionary’s blog recently. She’s pretty awesome. Not because she brags about all the awesome things she’s doing while being a missionary in Costa Rica, but because she’s honest about being a missionary in Costa Rica. You should check her out here.
She’s gotten me thinking.
There’s this saying that God doesn’t call the equipped, but that he equips the called. But sometimes I feel like I need to pretend to be equipped. . . Even though I’m not. At all.
So here’s how it’s gonna be from here out. I’m gonna be honest.
And right now, I’m honestly scared. Like whoa scared. I’m LEAVING. Not in a couple months, not like I’m thinking about going on this trip. But I’m going for a year to places completely foreign to me. I’m going to be without my family for a whole year. I’m missing vacation to the beach, christmas, easter, relatives visiting, my friend’s performances in operas, choir concerts, my friends graduating from school, my sisters’ last time living at home. I could keep going on and on.
I’m scared for the safety of myself and the people on my squad. And I’m scared my family won’t know me when I get back. I'm sacred I won't be strong enough or smart enough or nice enough.
I’m trying to know that God will have my back when I get on the field. And I wish I had some revelation I could tell you about where I found my strength in God and I was no longer scared, but I can’t. It's like going up that first hill on the roller coaster, where you decide that this was a really bad idea and you're trying to figure out how to tell the guy to stop so you can walk back down those little steps.
Yet I go.
It's not all bad. I really am excited for the work I'm going to be doing. I'm excited to live with my awesome team and I'm excited to meet people all over the world and learn and grow. I'm happy for this opportunity, really. But it's scary.
P.S. You have the awkward door-to-door salesman that is currently in my mom’s living room vacuuming her carpet to thank for this blog. I’ve been hiding in my room and had nothing else to do.
