So many times in life i have ruined a perfectly good thing because my expectations were out of line with reality. i have learned that we cant mix up seasons with life time expectancies, its the easiest thing to do.
Sometimes we even have expectations with God, i know i did…. When God called me to give up what i had going on back home i had a lot of expectations i expected him to show up and meet me right where i was everyday, i wanted big things and when living conditions are not the best, when you’re hot, rained on, clothes stink , taking cold showers, let me tell you its hard to believe god has showed up. What you want to do is give up! most of the time it’s not that God has not showed up he just has not showed up the way WE want to see him. It was not until i hit my knees and stared into the mountains with rain hitting my face that i realized that he had showed up, he was next to me as the wind brushed my face, he was in every rain drop that fell on me, he was in every person that stood behind me that answered the same calling not only did he show up but he showed up right on time.
so many times in life we have a picture painted in our head of how its going to be. We work ourselves up preparing, and deciding how its all going to go that we create a mental image and most times we step out on our picture of what we want it to look like and not on blind faith. and most times we are highly disappointed. I had these expectations i had to come on this world race all put together, having it all figured out, i had to be open to WHATEVER god called me to do after this and not be scared, i had to know my bible in and out and let me just say when God showed up and he came with a message and it said “Emily, the more you seek me, the more you will find me, and the more you find me the more you’ll love me, and i want you to sit at my feet, drink from the cup in my hand lay back against me and breathe and feel my heart beat” and it was in that moment in those lyrics i realized that God did show up, and he did love me just as i was i did not have to be all put together i could in fact lay at his feet broken and when I met him there just as i was everything changed.
As month one comes to an end and Haiti is right around the corner i have put away my expectations because if we are being honest they are probably not realistic. Haiti will be hard, it will be challenging, i will be hot, i will be tired, i will be hungry, i will probably have to kill more bugs than i wish too but i know that before i even get there God has gone before me, i have been called to be there so i will go and i will expect God to show up right beside me, i have big expectations for him and i am excited for the uncomfortable moments because it is in those moments that i become teachable its in those moments he will meet me and give me the strength i need to keep going, its in those moments that he is what i will lean into and it is there i can stop and revisit that place and i can sit at his feet, drink from the cup in his hand, lay back against him and breath and feel his heart beat because his love is so deep its more than i can stand!
if there is one thing i wish i could do it would be to erase every expectation i had about this race. I want to be open to all that God is doing and all that he is going to do, all the doors he will open and close I want to embrace every hard day as much as the amazing days and this race was intended to be hard to stretch and grow me, and take me away from my distractions and out of my comfort zones thats what god wants to do every chance he gets is to stretch us, allow us to grow and become more like him, he will never force us but its amazing what can happen when we lay down our expectations and just meet him wherever we are just as we are!
