In the beginning of this journey there was always that “what if” question… what if i don’t make the deadline, what if things don’t work out as planned, what if this is not what god really wants for me or better yet what if I change my mind. It always seems that just when god ask you to leave the shore and dive into the waves the shore all of a sudden seems so beautiful & perfect… I cant speak for anyone but myself but that is exactly how it happen for me, in months leading up to the race and as i blogged previously i was sure, god had made a will and a way to something i could never say no to but just as i heard him call my name so did so many other things… There are times in our life when we know we have to trust our inner gut and we know that no matter how perfect the enemy paints a picture when god has called us to something we are to set our eyes and focus on him and nothing else…..
Giving a situation to God is so easy to say but so hard to do, our flesh wants instant gratification and control and emotions take over but we make plans and god laughs. Many times in my life i have prayed for something and as soon as god answers i get mad at him because i don’t like the answer, it isn’t the answer i wanted but that is were trust comes in and i have to quickly remind myself that god works all things together for our good..
So, as i lay all snuggled in my bed eating hummus, (how i will miss this so much) i realized that now my bags are packed, today i took the last shot i needed and god has closed doors to places i so desperately wanted open, doors that he locked long ago and I banged and banged instead of turning away, goodbyes that will be left unsaid, and goodbyes i don’t want to say, tonight i committed to a god i trust with my life, with my heart, and with my family as i leave, i trust him with the hearts of people i love so much, i gave him back hearts i have held on to and i know he has amazing plans!!!!! some of you may be confused how did she commit so late in the game????? i was waiting on my “what if” but i knew god had some unfinished business here with this heart of mine and it wasn’t until i gave it to him that he fixed it. It is never easy to let go of all control but i can tell you it is the most freeing feeling in the entire world to know that your life and heart are in the hands of a god that will NEVER LET YOU DOWN!!!!!!
Do not ever let not knowing what will happen at the end keep you from beginning, uncertainty chases you out into the open where god is waiting. Sometimes it is not about the ending at all; its about the story.
