We all have those weeks. The weeks where you wake up on a Monday morning feeling totally off, with a thousand things on your calendar that you are totally dreading. Weeks where nothing is really wrong, but everything makes you want to pull your hair out a little. The weeks made out of days where you keep telling yourself tomorrow will be better, but better doesn't come and you can't seem to shake the irritability and annoyance at every single little thing that happens. The weeks where you go, go, go and never stop to breathe, because you don't have time, and there's so much to do, and you dream of long bubble baths or quiet nights at home with nothing to do and no one around, but they never happen.
And even if you do take that bath (not a possibility on the race-and no, I'm not bitter…okay, maybe a little) or spend mindless hours into the late night on Facebook or Buzzfeed- just relaxing- you are still exhausted. Not even sleep does the trick and you wake up just as "off" as the day before. And then you really start to wonder if maybe this is just the slow fade of your sanity. Maybe you are finally loosing it. Maybe it is as they say here in Romania, "kaput!"
That was this week for me. My sanity went kaput.
(My face pretty much describes my week)
Don't get me wrong- I love Romania, I love my ministry, and I love my Squad. But, somewhere between Sunday night and Monday afternoon, I was over it. Maybe it was the dogs barking all. night. long. when I was trying to sleep in the smoldering heat of my tippy top bunk. Or, maybe it was that no matter how many times I swatted them away, flies wouldn't stop landing on every bare inch of my skin (I'm talking arms, legs, and yes, even my face). Or, maybe it was that I bumped in to no less than 15 people in the kitchen at lunch that day. I was beyond exhausted.
If I really think about it, though, those things don't always bother me. I lived in a house with 5 girls who always had people over late into the night, not to mention my year and a half in dorms- I can usually handle noise when I'm trying to sleep. I have lived 8 of the 9 previous months without AC- I can handle heat. I'm an introvert on the Race- I've learned that finding spaces with no people is almost impossible during waking hours and usually I can just take a deep breath and get over it. And as for the flies-there is no getting around the fact that they will always drive me crazy, but they don't always make me want to curse and scream, so something had to be off.
The days just kept getting worse. On Tuesday I had to walk out of the after-school room to sit outside and breathe for 15 minutes, because I couldn't handle the noise. On Wednesday a teammate found me crying over nothing and stuffing my face with cheese popcorn in the middle of the hallway, because there was absolutely nowhere else to go. I knew it was probably time to figure out what the heck was happening and talk to Jesus…so I did and figured out pretty quickly that it was because I hadn't actually been doing a lot of that lately. But right after that thought came the classic response excuse of "I haven't and don't have time!"
(We were pretty much on the same page that day)
Let me just say- that excuse is such BS. Honestly, I'm not sure who we are trying to fool when we use it. We are the ones who prioritize our time, so if spending time with our Creator doesn't make it into our week, then it's because of priority issues- not time issues. And God knows that, even if we won't admit it to ourselves. But, I digress.
On Thursday I woke up with stomach issues and I found myself actually praising Jesus, because it meant that I wouldn't have to feel guilty for taking care of myself and resting. After intercession that morning, I decided to take the rest of the afternoon off- and it was glorious. I took a nap, drank in the peace of a mostly empty house and the quiet of a totally empty room, and for the first time in days, opened my Bible and journal and had long chats with Jesus about so many things. I rested. I listened. I reflected. I got filled up. I found my sanity.
But why did it take my body rebelling to get me to rest? How did it get to the point where I was praising God for diarrhea? That's just wrong.
God cares about rest. He made it one of the 10 commandments and even did it Himself after creating the world to prove it. Everything He made was so good that He stopped and reflected on all of His glory. And if the God who created the universe stops to marvel at His wondrous works, how much more should we? In Hebrews 4:9-11, it says, "There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest."
(You and me both, kid)
Every effort. And I'm not talking about taking 10 minutes from work to scroll through your News Feed or even watching Netflix for 2 hours when you get home. I mean true rest for you body, mind, and soul. True rest only comes from abiding in the Father. Jesus would spend hours alone talking with God when he was here on earth and if we are trying to live for him, why aren't we living like him? He rested- and so should we.
There is a word used mostly in the Psalms- selah. It's exact definition is debated among scholars, but many agree that it means "to pause and reflect" or "to stop and listen". God knows us too well- He knows that we rush through life, finding every shortcut possible, missing so much of the beauty. I think that's why after He would inspire the psalmist to write something profound and beautiful about who He is, He'd add a selah. It's almost as if He was saying, "Wait! Go back and read that again-it's too good to miss. Let it sink in. Rest in my truth and I will give you strength."
How beautiful is that?
And I don't think selah is only for reflecting on the Psalms; I think it's a discipline for every single day-to pause and reflect on the glory and wonder that is our mighty God and the infinite graces He provides. It is in selah that we can hear His voice most clearly and where we will find rest for our weary souls.
So, we have to stop letting the constant commotion that is life drown out His voice and get in the way of the tranquility He is offering us. He's calling us to true rest. It is both a command from a Father who knows best and a loving invitation from One who longs to give you strength. He has so much more for us than a life of stress, busy schedules, constant fatigue, irritability, and short fuses. He has comfort, peace, encouragement, energy, joy, clarity, gratitude, passion and oh so much to say to us if we would just listen for that still, small voice. If we would just stop and selah.
So, I challenge all of us to get off Facebook, turn off the TV, rearrange our schedules if needed, get up an hour early, or in my case pack a lunch so I can spend time with Him at church instead of going home to the madness that is our kitchen. Because, if we want to find (and keep) our sanity- we must selah. We can't wait until our bodies break down or we "have more time". We need to make time every single day to sit in His presence, to hear His voice, to truly rest.
Selah.
Photos by Bailie Pedigo
https://www.facebook.com/oldtreephotography
