When using the bathroom in Africa…
You bring toilet paper with you everywhere you go.
You still have to pay for public toilets.
You use porter potties in the backyard
and sometimes they overflow a little.
You breathe through your mouth because the stench is so bad.
You try to ignore the flies and occasional bees buzzing around your head.
You know that an open door means it is occupied and a close door means it's empty.
You have to make sure to bring the toilet paper inside so the rain doesn't destroy it.
When doing laundry in Africa…
You learn how to hand wash in buckets really well, because too much soap means your clothes will be stiff and too little means that they will smell.
You hang them on metal lines and they'll probably end up all over the yard because of the wind.
When traveling in Africa…
You hire vans to cross the border and sing and dance the entire time.
You take kumbees (the sketchiest 15 passenger vans with school bus benches) to town and ministry.
You have to walk through the muddy bus rink to catch a ride, trying to avoid conversations with all the men that declare their love because you are white.
When eating in Africa…
You go to braais and have more meat than you have the whole race.
You eat pop (cornmeal and water) and beans.
You get fat cakes (fried dough balls) and coke from the general stores and street stands.
You get 6 chicken dusts with pop and drinks for under 10 dollars.
You get spoiled by all of your new friends and have feasts at their homes and churches.
You cook on a gas burner in a kitchen with no sink or oven or microwave.
You wash vegetables in the bathtub.
When showering in Africa…
You sit in a bathtub and bucket shower (with a butter container for a bucket) because there is no shower head.
You have to use a headlamp because there is no electricity in the bathroom.
You heat up water on the stove, because you can't bear one more cold shower.
When going to church in Africa…
You walk through fields, over bridges made of guard rails, and across streets to get there.
It last anywhere between 3 and 4 hours.
They may take anywhere up to 20 offerings
Ladies dance in the aisles.
You pretend to know the language really well and sing along in Zulu or Saswati.
When living in Africa…
Chickens come in the kitchen daily and you have to chase them out-
except the gimpy adolescent chicken that you have named Humphrey and take care of.
Snails the size of your head climb on the house.
Cockroaches hiss at you.
You walk to work uphill both ways (your grandparents didn't lie to you…it's possible).
You sleep on the floor.
You use foam mattresses as couches.
You learn to click your tongue when you speak.
Sambonani means hello.
Yebo means yes.
Nangani means how are you.
When in Africa…
You wake up every morning and decide that today will be the best day of your life…and it is.
