Fear and confusion flooded my body as we walked around the night market. The smells of food I swore I’d never try filled the air and people crowded around in the narrow lanes between stalls, making me closterphobic and on edge. The call to prayer rose above the chatter of the vendors, while women dressed in floor length skirts and colorful hijabs to cover their hair passed me by. Malaysia consists of Indian, Chinese, Nigerian, and Malay people, 90% of which are muslim. I was surrounded by more diversity than ever before and suddenly I felt small and out of place. As a white, middle-class, Christian girl from the suburbs of America, I hardly have had much experience being the minority, especially in so many ways.
(Night market)
My team didn’t seem to notice as they walked with excitement, eager to try new things, but I had never felt more uncomfortable. I could feel everyone watching us with bold curiousity-the men unashamedly staring, despite our efforts to modestly cover our knees and shoulders. After a 24-hour travel day and a less than sufficient nap on my sleeping pad, I was not prepared for this cultrure shock. All I wanted to do was to run back “home” and safely secure myself behind our locked gate and barred doors and windows.
(View from our window)
It turns out I broke the number one World Race rule- I had expectations and it took them being completely unmet for me to realize they were there in the first place. My eyes filled with tears of anger a lot my first week here. I expected to feel safe. I expected to immediately fall in love with this country. I expected to be able to share the Gospel. I expected my purpose to be clear. When God told me to specifically come to this country, I expected to know why. He used an eight year old little girl from my favorite World Race blog to lead me here and though I didn’t admit it, I expected Catherine to be my reason for switching squads and for coming here.
I didn’t expect to have to look over my shoulder and deal with men degrading me every day with their eyes. I didn’t expect that it would take a few days to adjust to this culture and a few more to love the street food that still makes me ill, the sunsets behind the palm trees every night, and the people here. I didn’t expect that I would have to learn to trust God to take care of His children and move in their hearts, even when I couldn’t utter the name of Jesus. I didn’t expect to only have 3 and a half hours of ministry a day. I didn’t expect to be a 7 hour bus ride away from the little girl that brought me here.
(My favorite little guy-Gibson)
Life never is quite what we expect, but I serve a God who knows the ending of every story, before it even begins.
In the last 2 weeks, I have been learning to trust the Lord more deeply. Through the countless hours of free-time spent with Jesus reading, journaling, and asking Him my unending questions, I have grown so much in ways that wouldn’t be possible if everything had gone my way. I am still waiting on a clear answer and direct purpose for exactly why God brought me here, but I have found peace in knowing His plan is perfect, whether He lets me in on the details or not. In the mean time, so many beautiful things have been happening here and maybe that’s enough.
(Dinner with Chefe-a university student we met here)
I have spent more time in the Word this month than ever before. I have watched my teammate, Saige, be prayed over and completely healed of a rash on her arm. I have prayed over the sweet children at the Kindergarten as I bathe them, feed them, put them down for naps, and help them read. My heart has fallen in love with these kids as they give me hugs, let me wipe their tears, giggle with me, and call me Teacha with their adorable and diverse accents.
(caving)
I have gone bowling with university students we met at a Chinese restaraunt and talked with a new friend at the local pharmacy. I have lost all fear of street food and become a regular at the outdoor restaurant up the street. I have gone caving with our contact and his son, where we saw bats, toads, scorpion-spiders, and waded through water leading to the most beautiful garden where the cave let out. I have been learning to live in healthy community and to give and receive constructive feedback with humility, gentleness, and patience. I have led worship twice a week for the teams here, even though I’m still learning to play guitar. I have started drawing again.
(Drinks in a bag with Saige)
I have been watching God slowly heal my back, after I threw it out laughing too hard while in a handstand. I have had teammates and our contacts come to me with words directly from the Lord that have impacted me forever. I have experience the power of the Holy Spirit over spiritual darkness. I have been learning the importance of being slow to speak and quick to listen. I have had amazing team times, where we grow more into family every day. I have experienced my team recieve promises from God about some of the people here and I can’t wait to watch those promises come to life.
(Aris)
I have fallen more in love with the One who spoke the stars into the sky and life into me.
I have accepted where I am and learned to love my life here, believing that the presence of the Holy Spirit inside of us and our prayers will be enough to impact this city. I know that the Creator of the universe knew what He was talking about when He led me here and maybe someday He will see fit to let me in on exactly why, but if not-I will rest in the fact that He is sovereign and His plans are perfect.
