I am Jonah.
I question. I doubt. I flee.
I try my best to hide.
God gave Jonah crystal clear direction on what his purpose was. No ambiguity and no room for questions. He had a specific task to go preach to the Ninevites.
At this point, any good missionary and man of God would get up and go. He would say, “Here I am. Send me!” Instead, Jonah did what I would do- the exact opposite. He ran. He actually got up and took a boat in the opposite direction, hoping that if he ran far enough, God would find someone else for the task. He ran because he hated those people. He ran because of fear, stubbornness, and because he thought God was asking too much.
I am Jonah. I know what it is like to run from God; to resist His will with everything I am. When God called me to this journey, I questioned. I thought, “why me?” I didn’t understand why I had to leave a life of comfort, full of people whom I deeply love, for an entire year. Sure, I was excited about the upcoming adventure to share the love of Jesus all around the world, but I was also consumed with fear. I doubted I could do it. I cowered at the task.
And now, only weeks after accepting my place on The World Race, God is asking more of me.
Honestly, this infuriated me. I didn’t want to give up the Jonah inside of me, so I tightened my grip on my anger, unforgiveness, and self-pity and resisted Jesus with everything I had. I didn’t just say no, I ran in the opposite direction. I even stopped talking to God, hoping He would go away and forget about what He is requiring of me.
Jonah’s story shows, though, that when you run from the light you end up in darkness. I may not have been in the belly of a giant fish, but my surroundings were darkening quickly. Frustration and confusion filled my heart as I tried to seek God’s love and run from Him at the same time-an impossible task.
Jonah sat in that whale for three days in the deepest darkness and as his life was ebbing away, he called out to the Lord. He gave up control and the Lord redeemed Him. The amazing thing is, God did not save him from that whale and let him off the hook. He simply told him again to go and preach to the Ninevites. This time, Jonah listened and the Ninevites turned to God. The Lord had His way.
Jonah did not have his heart in the right place. He did not have it all together before God used him to do great things. He resisted the Lord’s plan and He was angry at the vastness of God’s mercy. He did not want love to reach his enemies.
The Lord chose Jonah despite his inadequacy and resistance. He gently restored him after he repented and nudged him in the right direction once again.
God asks big things of weak people. He asks us to love our enemies, forgive as He has forgiven, and to lay EVERYTHING down at the foot of the cross. Jonah was the only one that could fulfill the plan God had for him. If that weren’t true, God would have found someone else when Jonah ran. Instead, He showed that He will do whatever He has to do to draw us back to Him and even if it means using our mistakes in the process, He will help us fulfill our calling.
God is calling me to fight for justice, to protect, to confront, to forgive, to allow healing and heart change, and to give it all to Him. Without the Lord, I would surely lose this battle, but God created me to “be clothed with strength and dignity” and to “laugh at the days to come” (Proverbs 31:25) I already know the ending. God gets the glory and the victory is His. He will fight for me and with me. I can laugh at the days to come, because God wins, so I too will succeed! I will call out to Him in repentance and He will help me, like Jonah, fulfill my own calling.
Tonight, as I prepare for this calling, I will rest in these truths: God created me in my inmost being (Psalm 139:13), He has great plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11), He can use my pain and hurt for good (Romans 8:28), and He will fight for me (Exodus 14:14).
I am His.
I repent. He forgives. I trust.
He will lead me into victory.
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