Dear mom,
I’m sitting here, just having arrived in Chiang Mai, the city where we will reunite in less than 24 hours, and I can barely contain myself.
I am bursting with excitement! I can’t wait to embrace you and hold you tightly.
It’s a strange feeling, standing on the brink of two worlds colliding. If ever any worlds were different, it’s the one I’m in, and the one I left behind.
On one hand, I have the world I grew up in. The one where I was a student, a sorority girl, a girlfriend, and a church attender. The one where you lovingly raised me, taught me almost everything I know, the one that was almost always familiar and almost always safe. The one where you always called me princess and the one where I never really felt like one. For me, this world was comfortable and secure and everything I’d ever known. In a way, I guess this is the world that left me feeling restless to experience more of life and more of the God I so desperately longed for.
On the other hand, I have this new world. The one where I’m a foreign missionary, a spiritual leader, a single, cross-cultural lover, and a Kingdom bringer. The one that has been full of adventure, forcing me to navigate unchartered territory with surprises around every corner. The one where you call me princess, and I walk with a new, distinguished sense of eternal royalty. For me, this world has been anything but comfortable and safe and nothing like anything I’ve ever known. This is the world where I have experienced the most of the God whom I have desperately searched for, and in turn, beautifully found.
It’s a strange feeling to be at the brink of the collision of my two worlds, neither of which I really belong to. I wouldn’t want anyone else to break through that barrier more than you.
I’m excited for you to experience a part of my life, the one where I live out of a backpack, have a few outfits, rock a few more piercings (sorry Grandpa!) and live on $5 a day.
I’m excited to bond with you in a whole new way and intentionally have this time to invest into our relationship.
I’m excited to worship with you, do ministry with you, minister in bars with you, and enjoy the fullness of Christ in Thailand with you.
I’m excited for you to meet the precious ones on my team and squad whom my heart has grown to love so fully.
I’m excited for you to see the ones I’ve cried about to you over FaceTime, the ones that linger on street corners after hours and sell themselves for a few empty dollars.
I’m excited for your heart to break as you walk by the endless amount of temples, for the people who bow down to plastic idols, for the ones who are so desperate for our King.
I am so excited. I want all of these things for you, and most of all, I’m excited for you to see your daughter, your princess.
Yet I have to say, I’m a little apprehensive. I’m apprehensive because when you meet her, I hope she is very different than the one who left you 9 months ago.
More than anything, I hope you look at me and see a daughter with more life, more depth, and more freedom.
A daughter who loves boldly and forgives freely.
A daughter who has somehow learned the secret of having a truly unoffendable heart.
A daughter who is full of grace and walks in confidence knowing she is fully known, fully loved, fully chosen, fully forgiven, and fully free.
A daughter who has not only experienced the ugliness and brokenness of the world but the beauty and hope of Christ.
A daughter who is more faithful, more diligent, more sanctified, and more surrendered than ever before.
A daughter who is passionate about the good news, who does not hold back sharing, who prays big, scary prayers, and actually waits in expectation for them to be answered.
A daughter who now holds her life and gifts loosely, who bears all and surrenders all for the love of her Lord.
A daughter who has embraced more desperation and brokenness than she can bear, who has found herself kneeling at the cross fully giving her whole will and whole life time and time again.
A daughter who knows her Good Shepherd, who trusts in His will and His power because she fully believes that He has the best plans for her.
A daughter who may have no plans for her future, but trusts in the One who is holding her in His hands.
A daughter who has experienced the transformative power of the Holy Spirit and is now a new creation as a result of it.
A daughter who has an all-consuming love for the Lord that is tangible and contagious.
A daughter who causes you to fall to your knees in astounded awe and passionate love for your Creator and your Redeemer.
And most of all, I hope that when meet her, you find a daughter who is so beautifully unrecognizable, your princess crowned in the radiance and glory of Christ.
I love you mom. Your princess is ready for you.
Xoxo,
Emily
P.S. We’ll miss you dad!!
