Fighting For You

I’m writing this blog and I feel like I have a million thoughts in my head.

To be honest, the World Race is hard. Launch was hard. Saying goodbye was hard. Being thousands of miles from my friends, family, and Cameron is hard. Knowing that I won’t see them for 11 months is hard. Transition is hard. Being in a new place is hard. Community is hard. Feeling purposeful in ministry is hard. Language barriers are hard. Being obedient to the Lord is hard. 

I said goodbye to my parents at launch in Atlanta, Georgia. I felt so overwhelmed and forced myself to be excited, even when all I wanted to do was drag my feet, make any excuse to leave, and pretend like this whole thing wasn’t really something God wanted me to do.

With no more goodbyes left, I looked around the room during worship. Even with my beautiful squad, teammates, and leadership, I’m not sure I have ever felt more alone. I prayed begrudgingly and yet still desperately. In a partly sassy tone, I prayed, “Alright God, I guess it’s just me and you now.”

And the Lord spoke so near and dear to my heart.

He said:

“Yes Emily, it’s just me and you now. I have fought so hard for you; I have fought so hard for you to be here.

All those circumstances in your life that led you here, that was me. I was fighting for you. All those times you felt restless in your life, that was me. I was fighting for you. All those times you wanted more for your life, that was me. I was fighting for you. All those times you spent hours and hours reading World Race blogs, that was me. I was fighting for you. Full funding, that was me. I was fighting for you. Encouragement from others to come on this journey, that was me. I was fighting for you. That gnawing feeling that you absolutely had to go, that was me. I was fighting for you.

I have fought for you to be here. I am a jealous God and I love you so much.

So now that everyone and everything else is gone, I want all of you. I don’t want to share you. I just want time with you. I want you to let me love you. I have pursued you relentlessly because I love you. I know this is best for you. I have fought for this time with you.”

The Lord has been echoing these words in me and to me for the past two weeks here in Serbia.

“My beloved speaks and says to me: ‘Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.’” – Song of Songs 2:10-13

And now in response, all I can say to the Lord is: 

Thank you for leading me to this place and wanting to spend time with me.

Thank you for fighting for me.

Thank you for sustaining me.

Thank you for always being more than enough.

Thank you for being patient and persistent.

Thank you for filling me up and overflowing my cup.

Thank you for giving me rest.

Thank you for pushing me to a place where I have to rely on you.

Thank you for speaking life and ministering to my heart like no one else can.

Thank you for pushing me out of my comfort so I am forced to lean into you.

Thank you for being my well that does not run dry.

Thank you for asking me to do things I can’t do without you.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

Thank you for calling me your Beloved daughter, rather than your Beloved soldier.

Thank you for fulfilling my every need.

Thank you for stirring my heart to feel so drained, restless, purposeless, and discontent without you.

Thank you knowing my heart’s every desire and fulfilling them all.

Thank you for being so gracious and gentle.

Thank you for never taking your eyes off me, even in my rebellion.

Thank you for laying the crown on my head and anointing my head with oil.

Thank you for exchanging my ashes for beauty.

Thank you for making me look in the mirror, because you always knew my reflection was the face of Jesus.

Thank you for going before me and coming after me.

Thank you for being so good.

Thank you for giving me your Spirit.

Thank you for making me whole.

Thank you for never returning void. 

Thank you for your burning and yearning desire and jealousy for me.

Thank you for pursuing my heart in every season

Thank you for knowing all of me. Thank you for loving all of me. 

Thank you for knowing me best. Thank you for loving me best.

Thank you for making the World Race hard. Thank you for beckoning me through it all. 

If there is one thing I have learned so far, 10 days into the Race, it is a glimpse of the Lord’s deep, relentless, and unyielding pursuit of us.

I look around at the people of Serbia- the people in coffee shops, on buses, in homes, and on the city corners. Just as the Lord is desperately pursuing me, He is desperately pursuing them.

I am so honored I can take even the smallest part in His wild and relentless pursuit of their hearts. Praise Jesus He can use pursued people to pursue people.

XOXO,

Emily

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PRAYER REQUEST:

This month, my team and I have partnered with our ministry host, sweet Deb, and her church. We have been building relationships in the community, evangelizing on the streets and inviting many people to our gospel event taking place tomorrow night (Friday, August 19). We are putting on a concert as a platform for the gospel to be shared! Please pray that the Lord will continue seeking and pursuing His people and will lead them to this concert. Please pray for seeking and thirsty hearts to come and be fulfilled by Jesus, the well that never runs dry!