This is the first time I have sat down to write about the World Race in months (hence my one and only blog post announcing that I am going).
150 days until launch.
For me, this countdown is like a ticking time bomb.
I have been communicating with the other young people that are going on this journey with me. They have sent me probably close to a dozen messages along the lines of: “200 more days!” “150 more days!” or “Thinking about Christmas. Can’t wait to spend it with you guys next year!”
Hearing this, my heart sinks.
My heart sinks because I am leaving. And I am thinking about all that I don’t want to leave behind.
These are my thoughts as I think about leaving for 11 months:
Emily, you just graduated college and have student loans. Isn’t it time for you to start a career and make some money? Haven’t you spent all of college preparing for this?
Yes I have.
Emily, you have a wonderful family, an 18-year-old brother and a 7-year-old sister. Do you realize when you come home Anikka will be 8, almost 9, and reading chapter books? Aren’t you going to miss playing board games, painting nails and watching her ride her new bike? Aren’t you going to miss cheering at Rye’s last high school football games and watching him cross the stage at graduation?
Yes I am.
Emily, what about your extended family? The holidays and reunions, aren’t you going to miss them? Your grandparents and cousins are getting older, you know.
Yes I know.
Emily, you have so many wonderful friends who you cherish. Aren’t you going to miss going on coffee dates, hearing about their every day lives, praying alongside them, and only being a text away?
Yes I am.
Emily, you have a boyfriend of 6 years who loves and fears the Lord. He makes you feel so special, points you toward Jesus, and helps you become more righteous and holy. You have built a two-person team, how are you going to do this year without him? Isn’t it about time you guys are engaged; didn’t you want to be engaged by the end of college? For goodness sake, you have already waited for 6 years. Surely, you want to marry him?
Yes I do.
When I hear “150 more days until launch” instead of celebrating, I crumble. I feel my grip of control over my life tightening, as I close my fists and tighten my hands around all of the people and things I cherish and love.
Typing “150 more days until launch,” I can sit here in doubt and worry, let my thoughts run wild, and tighten my reign on this false sense of control that I think I have, or I can choose to remind myself of truth.
Because God is not only calling me to leave, He is calling me to go.
To Him and the abundance of life in Jesus Christ. And the truth is, He is more than enough.
This is such a sweet reminder to me; a reminder of who God is and His very loving heart for us. Our God is good and loving and he doesn’t take things away to be cruel or make us suffer. Often times he takes things away to further bring us to Himself.
He is THAT good to us and gives us so much mercy and grace in the process.
He is asking me to surrender everything and become completely dependent on Him, because He knows this is best for me.
God doesn’t call us to fix our eyes on the hows and whys, the circumstances, or pros and cons of following Him, but asks us to fix our eyes on His son. As I fix my eyes on Jesus I remember that:
Jesus is Savior. He is all-knowing. He is all-powerful. He is good. He is love. He is provider. He is Prince of Peace. He is just. He is holy. He is righteous. He is healer. He is merciful. He is sovereign. He is wise. He is faithful. He is our comforter. He is full of grace. He is almighty. He is our intercessor. He is Lord. He is King of Kings. He is victorious. He is eternal. He rose from the grave and possesses all authority on heaven and earth. He has the keys to both heaven and earth, he breaks chains, and demons flee at the mention of His name. He fulfills every single promise to us. He is with us, He is in us, and He is for us. And He is more than enough.
He is with me and for me now, and He will be with me and for me then. He loves me the most, He loves me the best, and He wants to show me just that.
“And Jesus said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.’”- Luke 9:23-24
Yes I love my life, maybe even a little too much. But God wants to show me that HE is sweeter than life itself. When I love my life here, my longing for His presence, for His Kingdom on Earth and for eternity can fall by the wayside. He is bringing me to a place where I desperately need Him and long for Him, His word, His presence and His Kingdom on Earth.
Jesus not only gives us true life when we surrender, but life to the full. There is abundance in Jesus Christ and that is where God is calling me to go.
I may not be ready to leave yet, but I am choosing to be ready to go. Because He is more than enough.
xoxo,
Emily
