So this blog is my blog about training camp and essentially about my life and emotions over the past 15 days of life.
Where to begin… Before I left for training camp (which feels like forever ago now), I was surprisingly calm and collected. I felt prepared and ready and not too worried about meeting the squad whom I had been Facebook stalking for almost the past year. Once I hit the ground in Atlanta, I felt the nerves creeping in! But thankfully, I was welcomed by lots of smiling faces as I walked up to the heard of World Racers and giant packs waiting in the airpot atrium. Conversation came easy and I hit it off great with so many wonderful people! Then we got to camp… this is where the overwhelming part starts. I was basically dripping sweat just from carrying all my gear to the camp site and lets just say putting up tents is not my specialty. After about 45 minutes of trying to figure the thing out, I was almost in tears of being overwhelmed by the heat, bug bites, the amount of people crowding me, and the fact that I could not figure this whole “camping” thing out. I was overwhelmed with rules and instructions within my first twelve hours of camp and the next day seemed like possibly the longest day of my life. I was not used to being up at the crack of dawn to hike with 40 pounds on my back in the heat or used to being thrown into the woods with a tarp to stay the night. Or my favorite was having to run in a group for 30 minutes in my chaos until my feet had blisters everywhere because all my belongings (tent included) had been “lost in the airport”. He physically overwhelmed me.
[Side note… one of my friends, that had recently shared with me her experiences of a previous training camp, told me that I would want to go home by the first night… but stick it out, she said. She was right]
Once the initial shock factor of how the next ten days of my life would be actually settled in, I began to feel more comfortable with my sweaty, stinky self. I became accustomed to the life of abandonment, being hungry most hours of the day, porta-potties, bucket showers, constant dirt on my face and under my nails. I began to focus on why I was there, which was to prepare myself for the journey of the World Race that I would be going on. This is where God overwhelmed my heart just a little bit more. He overwhelmed me with joy and sense of identity. An identity that is more than the clothes I wear or the degree I have or the city or home where I come from. He overwhelmed me with love from and for my teammates. He overwhelmed me with some of the testimonies I heard and stories of victories through Christ. He overwhelmed me with a love for all of the nations and love for people I haven’t even met yet. He overwhelmed me with peace that I was where I was supposed to be. He spiritually overwhelmed me.
Once camp was coming to a close, we were placed in teams who we will be assigned to different ministries with while overseas. I love my team! We are team “Poiema“, meaning God’s masterpiece, handiwork, work of art, His beloved. On my way home, I had confidence in God’s plans for me and my team.
As soon as I landed in Dallas, I was overwhelmed with happiness to see my family and have a big steak dinner! I realized how much I missed them and how hard being away for a whole nine months is going to be. My brain began to wonder, thinking about how I only have one month left at home, thinking about how much I have to get done (visa applications, vaccinations, bank changes, things to buy), how many good byes I have to say, how much I have to work still… all in the next month. Once again, overwhelmed. He mentally overwhelmed me.
Then something happened this weekend that was the ultimate overwhelming point and probably the most confusing thing to process over the past ten days full of processing. I received a message that a wonderful sorority sister of mine had been killed in a car wreck. Ashlee was a beautiful, talented, athletic, kind, giving, caring, compassionate, and flat out amazing person. My head and heart hurt and were overwhelmed with questions, grief, anger, sadness, and so many emotions I wasn’t even sure how to handle. Seeing such tragedy happen to such a wonderful person at such a young age makes it easy to question everything. But as I tried my best to keep my overwhelmed head from doubting everything and becoming angry with God, I was reminded of the verse Proverbs 16:9.
“We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.”
God has completely overwhelmed me physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally worn me out. But God has a plan.
For me, the month of August will still be a month of processing and growing. Honestly, I think our whole lives are a growing process. We can never stop learning about our savior and we can never stop growing in our faith. We may not completely understand what is going on at times in our lives. But with all the overwhelmingness of life, we can trust that God has a plan.
We are always free to be
Overwhelmed by grace, love, beauty, freedom, and everything good and pure!
I’ll wrap this up with some great lyrics I have turned to in these past few weeks:
You are a good good Father.
Its who you are. Its who you are. Its who you are.
And I am loved by you.
It’s who I am. It’s who I am. It’s who I am.
You are perfect in all of your ways!
Please keep my Gap D squad, team Poiema, the family of Ashlee Edminston, and the sisters of Phi Mu, Kappa Iota sorority in your prayers this month!
