I actually wrote this blog in December, a good 3 months before I turned in my application for the World Race. Probably a surprise to many, but I had known since July of last year that this is where God was calling me. Here is my story.
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I've known since July 2011 that this is what I would be doing after graduation. In May, I went on a school-funded trip to an island in the South Pacific where, destiny would have it, I would meet a Peace Corps volunteer that would plant a seed within me.
My sunburnt self with Vince, my Peace Corps inspiration!
In hindsight, which is such a beautiful thing, I can look back on many parts of my life and see how God was molding me and guiding me to be here, in this very moment, sharing my story with you.
This particular journey starts back in the late spring semester of 2011. I found myself, yet again, alone in my dorm room while most of my friends were out. Lately, I had been feeling… unsettled. I was over school, over Charlotte, and tired of not knowing what on earth I would do after I graduated. I was mixed with a desire to finish college and a fear of not knowing where my life would go. I had this hunger deep in my soul for something… more.
So, I prayed. I asked God to use me, to send me. I just wanted direction, I wanted to know and fulfill my purpose. I prayed that whatever it was and wherever He wanted me to go, that He would just show me. If He directed me, I would go. For the first time, I prayed for God's guidance over my life without trying to fit His will into my plans. I'm not sure if I really expected Him to answer so strongly.
Now, I've had my share of doubts. Not in God, but more so in my ability to hear His voice. I worry that the whispers I hear so often are my own thoughts from trying so hard to hear His voice. I'm not too good with whispers. I need God to shout and yell at me, in the most loving way possible, all the things He wants me to do.
And, thankfully, that's what He did.
When I first discovered the World Race I stayed up all night reading blogs and watching videos. I was obsessed. I was in love. I was inspired. I WANTED to hear God telling me to go here; which is exactly why I was worried that it was more my idea than His. I began to be filled with doubt. While the Race seemed like an amazing experience, it wasn't meant for me. I have never been camping in my life, I'm not a granola kid who goes on hikes during the weekend, and I most definitely have no idea how to minister to people living in the third-world.
I asked for discernment, but what I really wanted was a sign. I prayed that He would make it completely obvious to me what it was I needed to do with my life.
It started with a blog that I follow. A blogger posted a link to Relevant magazine (a Jesus-loving-indie-listening-magazine), which, until then, I had never heard of. After browsing the website, I came across an article on the World Race. An idea that, at the time, I had written off as impossible for me.
Reading the words of Curtis Devine, I felt my heart skip (Click Here to read the article). I teared up at the words he had written, about the experiences he had. In particular, when he ended his article by saying, "In abandoning all, I have more than I've ever had before." Once again I fell in love with the Race, with becoming completely dependent on God to provide.
And then the doubt returned.
How could I possibly go and live with 60+ strangers for an entire year? Nonetheless, living in extremely hot temperatures; I barely made it through a month in Micronesia! And what could I possibly offer to people who are living in the poorest conditions in the world. Even now, as I type this on my Mac and sit in my air-conditioned house, how can I relate in any way to these people? Besides, have you seen the price tag for this race?
But I still felt this tug on my heart.
So, again, I prayed for discernment, for a clear and obvious answer.
In Charlotte, there is an awesome gathering of 20-30 year olds who rock out and worship God every Tuesday night, called CharlotteONE. During the summer they meet up once a month or so. I had subscribed to their podcast, but had put off listening to it.
Interestingly enough, the sermon series was entitled "Embracing God's Call." One day I decided that if I listened to it I might hear God's will for me; I mean a sermon with this title had a lot to offer.
I was in shock when it actually delivered. I literally had to pause the sermon after hearing these words:
"… So what's been your response? What's been your response to God's primary call on your life? This call to specifically embrace Him as leader and forgiver of your life? Secondly, what's been your excuse as to why you can't do the particular thing that God's calling you to do? What's been the one thing, or the group of things, that you point to and you go 'this is the reason why I can't do the very thing that I feel like, God, you're calling me to do'.
"And I will say this, I bet that there are multiple people in the room tonight, that you know and you have an idea of the very thing, the particular thing, that God is calling you to do. But, you're scared to admit it; it's too big, it's going to cost too much, and you've been wrestling with this thing. I'm talking to you tonight, alright. So, what's going to be your response? "
Woah…
Lets just say I knew for sure now what I would be doing in 2012!
I had my trials and triumphs getting to this point. Well, I'm actually writing this post on Christmas, I haven't finished my application, I haven't told anyone I know, and I still don't know who my references will be.
I do know, though, that God is in control. He has shown me that quite a bit this past year. I hear him loud and clear… for now.
I know that soon this will be my first blog entry. It may not be the most interesting, the most well written, and God knows it's not the most grammatically correct. However, it's my story and that's what He's given me.
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