I have so many experiences that I could write about, but I can not form my thoughts into words. My head seems so foggy and my brain has been racing with so many different ideas. I could share all the stories from the numerous travel days on the cockroach infested buses, or the beautiful Easter service we had in Bolivia before leaving on our journey to Eastern Europe, or the ministry we are doing here in Romania and the spiritual warfare we have encountered…BUT I just dont feel like writing.
For some reason for the past few days, I felt lead to share a poem that I wrote last month in Lima, Peru.
Even though I wrote this poem over a month ago, I believe there was a reason why I did not share it until now…
Although this poem was so significant to me last month…I feel like it has a new meaning to me now as I have been learning more and more about forgiveness. I am TRULY letting go of my past and letting go of the things that were keeping me in the dark and keeping me from my walk with Christ. I am letting go and being freed from my shame so I can continue on living the life that God has so beautifully mapped out for me.
As I was reflecting on whether or not I wanted to share it, I was starting to have doubts and believe the lies that my poem was unworthy and people would judge me for it…so that is when I decided to share it anyways. The enemy doesn’t want me to share because he doesn’t want to see me find the light. He has kept me in the dark for so long and I have been blinded by these false lies…so here it goes…I’m sharing this because the enemy no longer has a hold on me.
I am learning that it is okay to offend people…when it is from the word of God. Not everyone is going to understand or agree with my thoughts, ideas, or feelings…but it is okay. As long as I am hearing from the Lord and following his word, I dont mind speaking the truths from my heart because the Lord has broken my chains. I am living in freedom by being a servant to him and by listening to what he lays on my heart and what he leads me to do.
"You must obey God rather than man….." (Acts 5:29) and walk in the truth that you hear from the Lord.
God has been revealing so much and things are starting to get clear
In the past I would flee and run away from pain
but I’m not going to sit here and dwell in this shame
I’m finding my new identity in Christ and learning to be me.
I’m washing away old regrets and the Lord is setting me free
I have been hiding these feelings of shame for a while
I am tired of living in the dark, its no longer my style
When I was younger, I would try and escape reality to make all the worries go away
not knowing how much more empty I would be the next day
I would find love in all of the wrong ways
I was not listening to the Lord, I was in such a daze
I am breaking free from these chains and becoming freed from my past
I am making a change in my life, a change that will last
I am tired of being ashamed for what I have done
I am a new creation in Christ and it’s all because of his Son
Jesus died to set us free
I just want to let God control my life and find the real me.
I’m working on being vulnerable and finding my identity in the Lord above
I’m working on opening up and sharing His love
It’s not always going to be easy and sometimes I will want to give up
But I will give my concerns to God and let Him fill my cup
I am right where I need to be and finally where I belong
I am going to continue fighting the fight because it will only make me strong
God has brought me through different obstacles and molded me in a special way
I am going to stop comparing my life to others and start living for today
This year will be stretching and has already brought a lot of change
my life is starting to unfold and I am starting to rearrange.
Until next blog…please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I am facing new challenges and stepping out of my comfort zone in so many new ways. I promise to continue blogging as the Lord continues to speak to me….I will be posting a travel day blog soon (with video) and more about our ministry here in Romania.
Brief update about ministry:
We are working and living in a small town called Sistarovat at a Christian camp and conference center. We are helping to clean the camp (inside and out) and getting it ready for the families that will come this summer. We are also helping the neighbors in the yard by planting and picking crops, as well as praying over the town!
For more information and pictures of where we are staying, you can check out the website below (copy and paste the following link into google :))
