Dear Friends,
You ask about ministry in Bulgaria. This is a good question. See, I’m trying to figure this out for myself.
Let me explain: a big part of this month’s task is just figuring out our own ministry. I like the freedom, but with the freedom comes pressure to perform. For example, in Romania, we were to basically design our own ministry. We were living with this family in a small village and the woman we stayed with wanted to start her own church. I know I told you about this, but all she wanted us to do was pray. I really learned the power of prayer and how underestimated and overlooked it is. So we spent a lot of time praying, but being the Americans that we are, we decided that that wasn’t enough. Americans love to be doing something. We love to be busy so we feel really important. Even if there is nothing to do, we find something to do to feel better about ourselves. It’s like we can’t just slow down and enjoy God’s beautiful creation, enjoy ourselves, enjoy the time spent here, enjoy God’s people, enjoy the culture. This is very unlike the European (and most other nations‘) mentality.
We came in with big plans to make a difference and change the world. That’s what Americans do, they change the world. So we all decided that we were going to do this children’s ministry. We would play with the kids and do Sunday School and a big program on Saturday afternoon. But then things fell through and by the end of the month, our plans more or less fizzled out. So then there was all this unspoken tension between teams because we bit off more than we could chew.
The point in all of this is that the month for me (in Romania) was spent largely feeling guilty about not doing more. The time would have been much better spent if I would have let myself off the hook a little bit and realized that there was nothing to do. It’s the whole “wiping down the counter syndrome.” In America, when working in a restaurant or café, if there is no work to do, we find work to do. We will just wipe down tables, the same spot over and over and over and over again. In other parts of the world, if there is no work, then they sit down, smoke a cigarette, enjoy a coffee, and relax.
The other night, I was walking home from a friend’s house and passed by a grocery store with huge store front windows. I noticed that there were 4 clerks just sitting on the conveyer belt thing. Just sitting there talking. I remember thinking, “What are they doing? They are on the clock!” But then I thought about how wonderful this actually is. There’s no work to do, so why not have a seat, relax, and enjoy life for a minute. Does that make them lazy?
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating laziness and sitting around doing absolutely nothing. That is not why I am here and it’s not what I want for this year. However, I am learning that I have been narrow minded about what ministry means. I am learning that God is so much bigger than what I’ve always made Him out to be. I am learning that God can and is using me just as much picking vegetables in the garden with my host family than planning a big Sunday School program. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in appearances. Missionaries are supposed to hold babies, and preach, and translate Bibles. But what if God has a different ministry for me? Am I o.k. to just be still and let God use me even if I feel worthless? Can I humble myself enough to accept that mission work isn’t always glamorous?
To be continued…
