Let me start off by saying that this trip has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There have been many, many days where I would do anything to leave and if someone were to give me a ticket back home, I would take it without any second thoughts. Some lies the enemy feeds me often is that no one likes me and that I don’t belong. He has been feeding me those lies over and over again on this trip. I’m in a squad with 55 other young men and women and so it’s been easy for me to feel left out and like I don’t belong. Heck, I’m covered in ink, I have metal in my face, my ears are stretched, and I listen to music that usually scares people. It’s not always easy finding other people that like the same things as me. I’ve just kinda always been that weird girl that doesn’t have many friends. So coming on this trip, being far from home and being surrounded by many new faces, has been insanely hard for me. A lot of the time, I’ve struggled with feeling like everyone hates me, or that I’m annoying and shouldn’t be here. Or my voice doesn’t matter and I’m easy to forget. And let me tell ya, today the enemy hit me hard. It started this morning when my team and I went out for breakfast. We all ordered our food and everyone’s food was coming out, but mine was yet to appear. Something little and unimportant, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought, but the enemy was whispering in my ear telling me “they forgot about you. You’re not getting your food. You don’t matter.” I finally got my food and then put those lies aside. Later on, I was overwhelmed with this feeling of loneliness. But I again, pushed my thoughts/feelings aside. Then just a little bit ago, my team and I decided we would go out for ice cream. So we get there, we order, and the wait begins. One by one, everyone’s banana splits come out, and again, I wait. Soon enough, everyone’s ice cream starts to disappear, and there I was, still waiting. At this point, everyone’s ice cream is gone and the guy finally comes out with my banana split, only to find that my banana split was missing the banana. This time the enemy wasn’t whispering in my ear, he was shouting. “You’re stupid. They forgot about you. You don’t matter. You should just go home where you belong.” So many lies were filling my head, making me sick to my stomach. I came back to our hostel and just started crying. Trying to wrap my head around everything and asking God what He was trying to show me through all of this. I still don’t know, but one thing I do know is that I am NOT forgotten and that I DO matter. No matter how hard it is to believe, I know the Lord loves me and that’s all that matters. I also know that the Lord called me to this trip and I’m not giving up no matter how hard things get. The enemy has no place in my life and I’m sick and tired of him trying to steal and destroy what the Lord has given me. So here’s to the guy who forgot my banana and here’s to the enemy, you will not bring me down because I have the strength of Christ in me.
Isaiah 49:14-16, “But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me. Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.”
