While I was traveling to launch for the World Race in October God gave me a picture I guess you could say. It was a picture of me against a wall trying my hardest to be that wall. I was the same color as the wall, clinging to the wall, eyes closed and then the picture changed. My eyes opened, I slowly started separating from the wall and as I did my color started changing into what I actually look like. Pretty soon I was fully separated from the wall standing next to it, fully colored, fully me.
This picture might sound weird to a lot of you but it means so much to me.
When I was younger you couldn’t get me to talk for anything. I really just wanted to go about life being noticed as little as possible. To me life was safer if you just do what your asked, give the responses people want to hear, and keep your mouth shut as much as possible. Everything from what I thought, what I felt and what I was going through was locked up, nothing was allowed out. It was my perfect plan to never get hurt. I took my spot on the wall hoping the world would leave me alone and I stayed there for a long time.
In my mind I was really good at blending in with that wall, I really did feel unnoticed and I loved it because it meant my plan was working. However, Jesus saw me when I thought I could hide. He met me where I was at. I wish I could show you this picture because it is actually really funny. There I was thinking I had the world fooled determined to blend in with this wall while Jesus stood in front of me speaking to me, seeing right through me, seeing me in the fullness of who He created me to be. Jesus was essentially blowing my cover. The more He spoke to me the more I responded, the more I was drawn out away from the wall. Pretty soon I was no longer content to blend in, to be silent, I wanted to follow and so I did. The next thing I know I was no longer trying to hide, no longer reliant on that wall. I have boldness to speak out, I have faith to leave my wall and to go out wherever He leads. I’m continuing to learn how to let people in, how to be okay with being seen, and I’m learning how to step into a greater boldness.
This is a picture of where God has taken me so far, this is a picture of how he has called me out and transformed me into something greater, something I never dreamed I could be. After this picture ended He told me that in this next season of my life I am going to take the biggest step away from the wall that I’ve ever taken. What He said to me that day has already been confirmed several times during the short time I have been on the World Race. It’s a little scary because I have no idea where taking this step is going to lead, what it is going to look like and if I can even handle taking another step forward. Whatever this means, whatever this looks like I know it cannot be on my own strength but in Gods because my strength and wisdom always tells me to run back the wall.
