It’s humbling to ask for the Lord’s confirmation for Him to only bring it in too many different ways. I thought that I’d be writing this blog in a few months, but the Lord has simply floored me with the evidence of His voice as I’ve sought His will regarding my future.
I remember laying awake into the late hours of the night while living in the slum of Tondo in The Philippines — I’d witnessed the worst poverty and destruction in my life. I’d seen brokenness that would shake anyone. And I already feared the prospect of going home and not being any different than when I stepped off American soil. I laid awake at night writhing in anger for the injustices I’d seen and experienced. If I went home the same person I’d came – this trip would be a waste and I’d be a fool.
The Philippines rocked my world
I have to do something. I have the hope that the world needs. I even got the word “hope” tattooed on my arm after The Philippines to remind me of my purpose in this world.
I’m to live knowing of my hope in Jesus. That He is my only hope and He gives me hope. I will live bearing and standing upon that hope so that I can share it with a world that is desperately in need of it.
A few months after The Philippines, the Lord began to speak to me about an internship in Bend, Oregon with a church called Antioch. I’d been following this church for a few years after attending its’ debut “Justice Conference” a few years ago and attending the second annual one in Portland the following year.
Antioch is cutting edge in the justice movement and one of a kind in our pool of “American Christianity”. It’s a church that challenges any believer to take the words of Jesus seriously. Taking the Gospel at its’ word as well as God’s plan for reconciliation with His creation.
It’s a church that believes in dreamers. It empowers the gifts that God gives. It cares about the world and does something about it. It’s a community rising up to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
Though it sounded great. I shrugged off the possibility and figured God would have something different in store.
After all, a missions internship at the most justice minded church in the world isn’t for me… right?
Last month in Kenya, the Lord began placing this possibility on my heart once again. I couldn’t shake it. I questioned God. And held my plans tightly in the palm of my hands. Afterall, why would I want to raise thousands of dollars of support again? Why would I move somewhere where I know absolutely nobody?
So. I told the Lord, if He wants me there that He needs to confirm this calling to me. My finite self forgets that asking Jesus to reveal His will is bold and menacing. He will answer. And He will answer according to His will, not mine.
A few weeks passed, and I hadn’t heard anything. The day before leaving the orphanage in Kenya – the girls had the opportunity to travel to Kijabe, Kenya to drop off Christin at a local ministry. The following day, I popped my ear buds in and began listening to the second half of a sermon from Antioch that I had begun just a few days prior. Within minutes, the pastor began talking about a missionary couple that he had ran into from Kijabe, Kenya. That's right, Kijabe. The city I had been to just a day prior. The missionary told Ken something like this, “Ken, go back and tell everyone at Antioch, if God is asking you to do something, if God is putting something on your heart… to DO IT… all the fears will disappear. The greater the tension of the faith is, it’s, usually when God is trying to take us in a specific direction. And the more God takes us in a specific direction the more He begins to cut off other things and the more other things are being cut off, the more fear there can be in our hearts. Yet when we respond in faith realizing He is big enough and that God is faithful we realize that there is no other place to be than following our God.”
Wow, huh? As I heard the pastor of Antioch preach this I replayed that part of the sermon over and over and over again. Was it just coincidence that I was in Kijabe the day before? Was it coincidence that the missionary told Ken these things to tell Antioch? It was as if the voice of God was speaking directly to me. To not fear, and to follow the passions He has put on my heart.
Weeks later, I picked up a book called “The Shack”. Where does it take place? Oh, just in Oregon.
I picked up a book here in Kampala – it simply talks about a church called Antioch.
I walked into our hostel in Kampala, Uganda. Flyers cover the wall and the only map that is on the wall? Eh, it’s a map of Oregon.
A hostel in Uganda has a map of Oregon.
Ok, I’m not much into asking God for “signs”. But, I did ask for confirmation – and either these are mere coincidences or He is guiding me directly to Oregon. He is simply answering my prayer for “confirmation” to go to Oregon. He’s just being God.
Before much of this confirmation, I sat on a rock earlier this month overlooking the infamous Lake Victoria talking to Jesus about Oregon. I realized that I was scared to go to Oregon because I didn’t want to release my dreams of The Philippines to the Lord. See, my heart is in The Philippines. I dream about The Philippines. I keep in touch with people from The Philippines. And I think about this country daily.
The Philippines is in the horizon, but Jesus has different plans for me in the near future. He desires for me to be more deeply discipled, trained and filled up. He wants to give me an opportunity to breathe again; to process and learn from those that understand missions and have experience serving God in this capacity.
His plan for me is that my roots may grow more deeply in Him so that His strength in me would rise.
On that rock, I committed to the Lord to go to Antioch Church in Bend, OR in January 2014 unless He clearly guides me otherwise. He has to shut the door completely for me to not go.
This year has been hard for me. I’ve struggled to see where I thrive – but it’s been a necessary year setting the scene for something greater. I’m trusting that He wants to continue teaching me and molding me to be more like Him. It’s as if I was studying to be a doctor, I would study under those who know what they are doing, learning from the best.
The Lord is simply setting me up for success as a laborer for His Kingdom.
I’m not giving up my dream of going back to The Philippines – I’m only committing to be more equipped to go when He does ask me to go back. Until then, I have the opportunity to learn under the best of the best as I grow in my relationship with God and bring His Kingdom to this earth.
It was after this commitment that I began to see “Oregon” everywhere. Even as a map on the bulletin board of my hostel in Kampala, Uganda. It’s funny, because even though I’ve committed to go – I find myself second-guessing my decision constantly. Wondering if the Lord really did confirm this calling. But, it’s then, that I pick up the book that takes place in Oregon or see the map of Oregon on my hostel wall that He reminds me that He has great plans for my life.
That my life is not my own and that I am to follow His leading and not my own.
So… it's officially unofficial. I'm going to Oregon.
My instagram'ed photo of the map of Oregon on the hostel wall in Kampala
