As I was driving home tonight, a song that I have heard countless times played on the radio — and God used it to speak to me this night. A night when I may have needed it most.

*Wow… even after starting this blog and listening to Pandora — this same song begins. Funny how God works — I think He may be trying to tell me something…*

Many of you have heard, "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin. I have heard it countless times, but for some reason, God is using it in a powerful way in my life tonight.

I find it really hard to believe that I will rise. That God would allow me to rise from the death of my own sin and selifsh heart. I believe that Jesus has overcome — but I am struggling with knowing how to apply that to my life. Jesus has overcome death — for me and for the world.

I feel like instead or rising — I'm being brought to my knees. These specific words from Chris Tomlin's song resonate deeply with me:


"There's a day that's drawing near
When the darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes"

 
I find it hard to believe that this day that Tomlin is talking about is even coming. 
 
The day that the darkness breaks to light.
 
But then, I am reminded through God's own Word:
 
"I will exalt you, LORD, for you rescued me. 
You refused to let me enemies triumph over me.
O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health.
You brought me up from the grave, O LORD.
You kept me from falling into the pit of death.
Sing to the LORD, all you godly ones!
Praise His holy name.
For His anger lasts only a moment, 
but His favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night, 
but joy comes with the morning."
Psalm 30:1-5
 
This season has not been easy. It has been one of feeling crushed, abandoned and worthless. I keep saying that I desperately want this season to be over. But it's not over — and it may never be over unless I embrace it.

I want to be restored.

                                                            I want to feel genuine joy in the morning.

                I want to believe that Jesus is going to rescue me.

    I want to know that God has REFUSED my enemies to triumph over me.

All I want to do, is hope in this season being done. Over. But I am getting the idea that that is not what the Lord wants. 

And somehow, I need to be content knowing that.

How can one begin coming to terms with being crushed and refined? How does one embrace this kind of season?

Well, to begin. I think the Lord wants me to focus on today.

Not tomorrow. But today.

He wants me to earnestly seek Him in this season — and not rely on my own feeble, strength. He desperately desires for His strength to be a reality in my life.

And, He wants me to hold tight to the promises that He proclaims in His Word.

                     He will NOT let my enemies triumph over me.
      
           That He will RESTORE me.

                                         He will bring me up from the grave.

   That joy WILL come in the morning.

AND….

That, I will rise. 

I will rise with, Him. Not on my own strength, power or provision.

But His, and His alone.