If you would’ve asked me a year ago how I felt about being single I would’ve told you that I hated it. I was in a rush to find a husband, get married, and live my life with my “perfect” husband serving the Lord…. and I was on that path 100%. I had the plug in at my church community, was serving in high school ministry with my boyfriend, attended church together on the weekends. Together we decided to chase after the goal of a Christ centered marriage, but truthfully it was all wrong. I have learned now that I was seeking this marriage for something that would fulfill my flesh and not the benefit of the kingdom. It wasn’t healthy for my spiritual growth or my relationship with the lord.
I started the race not wanting to be in a relationship, but hesitantly agreed to ” try to make it work” while I was gone for the 11 months. When you live 8,000 miles away from your SO …. it doesn’t always work out like you plan. Time zones are challenging and Wifi in Africa is even MORE challenging. While there is some success in maintaining a relationship while on the race, I’ll be the first to tell you that it’s extremely difficult. Eventually, it became a distraction for me. I wanted to pick up my cellphone more and my bible less. I wanted to live in the ( I say this loosely) success of my relationship instead of deepening mine with Jesus.
Writing that now makes me sad. I was willing to sacrifice deeper relationship and time with my Heavenly Father for an earthly relationship? Holy cow…. if I could go back to month one and walk into the race single I would, but I have learned a great lesson through all of this and seen all the seasons that the Lord has chosen to walk me through this year. I walked in scared and lived in a lot of fear, then progressed to loving the Lord but put him second, now he has called me into the beautiful season of singleness and relationship with him. I feel fresh, renewed, and liberated. I have sought the Lord over and over and over again and let Him be my relationship. I run to him for a conversation, I let him walk me through healing, I sing worship to him and feel a lot more joy in my life. I put my phone down.. and it’s crazy what picking up your bible more can do for you, there’s some really good stuff in there.
My heart is back in the right place again, and I’m thankful for a father that will offer me forgiveness for choosing man over him. It’s a grand lesson that I have learned; to let Him be my husband …. and it’s still not perfect, but it gets better with time and practice. It says in Isaiah 54 verse 5 ” For your maker is your husband, the Lord almighty is his name– the holy one of Israel is your redeemer, he is called the god of all the earth.”
That verse specifically has brought me encouragement during my walk and it’s one I will continue to pray over myself as I finish out the last portion of the race.
If I could encourage any future racers it would be a warning to not waste time with the lord while on the race. Choose him FIRST and your back home life second. The race goes by so fast and I wish I would’ve spent more time in the quietness and peacefulness of the free time that is real gift on the field. Thinking about returning home in a few short months I have realized that I won’t have the same opportunities for quiet time or bible reading that I have had this year. The goodness of starring at a mountain while praying or being really quiet in the bush of Africa is an amazing time to spend reading that good book. I pray that you don’t make the same mistake that I did for the first part of my race and that He would always be your number one. A year later and I am rejoicing in my singleness. I am calm, joyful, independent, and at peace. Cheers to my season of singleness!
