I’ve written and deleted and re written this post numerous times because it’s the one I’ve been avoiding writing…
Sorry it’s been forever since I’ve written anything.
I did not sign up for the race for adventure, to meet new people, or to travel the world. A lot of people commonly think that I am leaving for selfish reasons…. the real reasons that I signed up for the World Race are as follows.
Firstly, Loss…Over the last four years of my life a lot of my friends and close acquaintances have passed away from all different kinds of tragic events. Over this time span I was loosing someone every three to six months. This shattered my relationship with God and left me questioning a lot about why He would allow certain things to happen. Why God would allow my friends to die when i prayed harder for them then than I even knew how to. I gave up on God for a long time and stayed as mad as I could about my situation. Im allowed to be mad, but giving up on God was not the right answer. I eventually made my way back and don’t plan on backing out any time soon.
Secondly, Relationships- So I thought I had things figured out, as we all do…. right?. I thought I was going to be his wife, I was going to graduate college and that was that. My good christian relationship was exactly what I needed and I was happy about it. We talked about marriage and often I would say to Andrew and my mother, ” If we ever decide to not get married I’m going on the world race.” At that time they laughed it off. About three weeks after we introduced our parents to one another, Andrew decided that he was done and it wrecked me. He was gone just like that and I had to figure our what I was doing all over again. At this point I dug into my church harder and my community support harder and learned that it was okay to be alone and out of that relationship. I spent a lot more time focusing on God and talking to my squad mates who are 2000% incredible human beings that I cannot wait to be “roomies” with for the next year.
I did not feel like myself anymore. My community of people looked differently to me. I was mad and at times had to re evaluate my identity away from being a wife that I was planning on. It was hard on me for a long time and I still have a lot of qualms about our relationship.
Two months after the break up I was on the phone interviewing for the race and accepting my position on my squad a week later. So that sentence that my mother once laughed off became my new reality.
148 days from launch and it has been confirmed in my heart that what happened the years before led me here. To hold onto my anger any longer would just be silly. Its time to evolve, change, and live. What happened the years before was God’s plan for me because it allowed me to see so much more, learn a lot, and appreciate that even during hard times His love continually shines through as it always will.
Stay Blessed.
Emily
