Crossing the border from Thailand into Cambodia with a foot broken less than a day ago! Unfortunately this crossing you had to walk across with all your things and so when a local woman saw me struggling through the slippery mud and potholes she came by and carted me! So sweet- she didn’t even speak a word of English and I didn’t speak a word of Khmer, but she loved me so well.
I don’t even know what to write as I am typing these words. So much has happened in the last few months that I don’t even know where to begin anymore- in the countries I have been in, in the teams I have been with, in the ministries we have partnered with, and in my own life spiritually, emotionally, and even physically.
About a week and a half ago I tried to write this same blog and was just putting the finishing touches on it when I broke my foot. It was in the middle of the night and I had just finished typing the last sentence and decided to grab my i-phone to take a picture downstairs of a coffee maker (it had to do with the analogy I used in the blog…) and in the dark I missed a step and my foot went through the hardwood rung and I heard my foot break. I spent the night in the ER, the morning in a doctor’s office and then had to leave on an over 24-hour bus trip from Thailand to Cambodia early that afternoon. We were going into debrief- our last one before the final debrief where we head back to the States. Debrief is a crazy time for squad leaders loaded up with meetings, teachings, one-on-ones with squad members- my favorite times of the entire year, but also exhausting.
Needless to say I didn’t post that blog!
That blog pretty much just talked about how right now I just have no words. It had a really nice literary analogy and wording, but now it just doesn’t seem important anymore to give these words to you in a flowery package. For me, words are something that helps me to bring people right to where I am at; they paint a picture and help a person experience life beside me. I journal a lot and am constantly scribbling down little notes of inspiration I encounter in life on pieces of paper, napkins, or even in my phone. Words are how I process all the pieces of the world that I take in, how I understand what goes on around me, and how I sort out all the things that I am thinking and feeling.
These past few months I have hardly journaled anything besides quoting scripture. It has taken every ounce of my energy to just live the life that is in front of me and to be in every moment. And that’s actually pretty beautiful! Life has been so full- full of beauty, full of pain, full of energy, full of exhaustion, full of joy, full of hurt, full of things I don’t understand- it has been an amazing, difficult, vivid thing to experience lately.
And now I am finally in a place where the words are coming back to me. Actually, my hand is sore as I have been writing pages upon pages ever since the end of debrief. I have been learning so much and seeing God in so many lessons and am filled with passion again as I begin to sort everything out. I hope to share some of these things with you soon and give you a taste of what I have been experiencing lately.
So pretty much this entire blog is all about how I have the words, but not yet.
