I tried my hardest to back out of the World Race, but God had other plans.
I got really scared recently as I have realized more and more that this is going to be hard on a few different levels. I think it was easier to see the physical comfort I was leaving behind than the things I truly care about. I’m going to miss seeing my niece/nephew come into this world and almost the entire first year of his/her life. I’m leaving behind every single person who has ever mattered to me in my life and things are bound to happen without me; marriages, births, celebrations, deaths, and just life in general. The reality of the length of this trip has finally hit me: an entire year. A year is not something that you can just “get through” and forget about. A year is not a length of time that you can just brush aside and forget about or skip over.
So, naturally, I panicked. I prayed to God that He would withdraw this call and let me off the hook so that I could just go back to my normal life and forget about all of this because it was just too much. When He didn’t, I decided that I would prove that He had the wrong girl. I stopped trying to gather support actively because if I didn’t meet the deadline, that would be a clear sign that this just wasn’t the right timing. Well guess what? I just surpassed the first deadline anyways! That means that I am ready to go to training camp to meet the strangers from all over the U.S. (and Canada) who are going to become my only family for a year. I was so shocked when I checked my account and saw that the money was in 3 weeks before the deadline. I have had such a difficult time raising funds in the past and I never expected God to move like this; I just didn’t believe that it could happen to me.
This summer was tough on me; being away from the Christian community I had become accustomed to at college was a huge part of that. I’m thankful for that time away though because it has given me new eyes to see how wonderfully blessed I actually am! I am surrounded by a crazy amount of people who love me unconditionally and are constantly affirming and encouraging me. And I’m not talking about just a few besties here; even the people who I am not close friends with would be here in a second if I needed them because they are my brothers and sisters in Christ. I’ve watched it happen and am so proud to be a part of a group of people who want to love as Christ loved and are actually doing it. I get to teach others about Jesus and what it means to be a Christian and watch their lives radically change right in front of my eyes. I get to meet people from all over the world and hear their stories and let God show me how to love them in a way that they will understand. I get to be challenged in my faith every day at a public university all while ultimately pursuing a degree in ministry and in something I love. I also get to be a part of a church body that is truly something special: it’s big, but for all the right reasons. It’s a church that reaches out to the community, is already generous and constantly asks how it can do more, and one that is boldly honest in admitting its flaws and proclaiming the Gospel. In fact, I just watched people come to genuinely know Christ for the very first time and be prayed over individually by the entire church body at the usual Sunday service before a packer game. All of these things that have become so normal to me I now see are crazy.
You know what’s even crazier? I didn’t do a darn thing to earn any of this. I’m not more spiritual, I’m not the most generous, the least full of sin, or the best at praying- God has poured His love on me because I am His child and does the same for anyone else who calls Him Father. I am so ridiculously thankful- and I really mean this- that it has nothing to do with how much of a “good Christian” I am. I fail a lot and just can’t seem to get my act together. I think that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be too; you have to have a need for God. If you don’t, then it likely means that you are ignoring what He is asking you to do. It’s the kind of love that becomes apparent when you are at your worst and the kind of love that brings you to your knees asking how you could ever thank Him enough.
