"You're mean!" I told him, "Why can't I continue growing?! Why does it feel like I'm constantly going backwards?!" And what followed… Silence… Leave it to God to be silent in those moments. So I continued, crying and ranting about how I wish things could be different.
I heard it in a preaching once. How it was good to tell God everything, both good and bad. The pastor spoke about how relationships are made and broken. Communication=kinship, thus comes familiarity, connection and family. Non-Communication=well… NO Communication. So basically, what the pastor said was that in any relationship there is constant communication. Friends, lovers and family members will let eachother know things they like, and don't like about the relationship. God, being our heavenly father and all, should be given the same recognition (if not better). And although he knows everything about us and how we're feeling, he still wants to hear it come from us.
So I did. I let him have it.
But then I couldn't sleep 🙁
So like any big sister would, I forced my brother to go on a walk with me (FYI: I like walking or running to relieve stress, frustration, etc). As we walked I told him about how I messed up and was upset with God because I had given him all of this and it wouldn't go away. I didn't know why I was still feeling this and I wanted it to stop. I wanted to be ready for what he had planned for me. How could I help others if I was still struggling with things of my own?… [Let me pause for a minute now, and just remind you that God truly does use anyone, at anytime to teach us. We just have to be willing.] The next words that my 16 year old brother said to me stayed in my mind and make me smile and cry everytime I remember. "You said you gave your life to him so that he may change you to what you needed to be. What if he opened a hidden closet door that still had something in it. Maybe he's making sure you're completely ready." 🙁
Completely ready…
Here I was complaining to God about how messed up he was, when I myself had asked him to do this. He was molding me. Cleaning house. And it took my willingness, my brother, and 10 or more laps around the track to realize it. All I can say, and will keep saying is God is Good 🙂
