Hello my beautiful people-
I keep hitting a wall. It comes out of nowhere. My hearts in the right place, I know I heard clearly from the Lord but I hold back. I can’t seem to get my body to move. The pause causes me to take in my surroundings around me. The people that could possibly judge and the “what if’s” begin to creep in.
- “What if I pray and nothing happens?”
- “What if I make myself look like a total fool?”
- “What if I’m labeled one of those people?”
Fun fact: I love homeless people. I love rebellious teenagers. I love crazy fast paced environments. I love dancing and going buck for the Lord. Most importantly, I love showing people the true gospel aka how deeply loved they are by the father.
Through out the race the Lord has been revealing my gifts to me and that ultimately these are meant to be used. He continues to tell me that I have a purpose and I am going to make a difference in this world. My heart is breaking for his people, I see with his eyes and I hear from him clearly.
My people there is a disconnect. I am experiencing something I believe many people go through. There is the belief and realization of the gospel but than he tells us to GO. Not because we NEED to in order to earn his love but because we WANT to. Once you to experience the REAL gospel, you want EVERYONE to know because its THAT good!
Here is where I pause. On the race I am walking out my faith. I have followed his calling to travel the world and LOVE on people. Overseas it’s the norm to have supernatural spiritual experiences. We pray on the spot for those who need healing. It’s weird to not hear people speaking in tongues while praying. We have visions and are constantly prophesying over each other on a daily basis. Overall: we are aware of the crazy spiritual war occurring around us. With three and a half months left I can’t help but wander, what will I do when I return to the states and this is no longer the norm? When I stand out? When it’s labeled as “weird” instead of normal?
I was overwhelmed with conviction when I realized the real question I had to ask myself: Am I willing to look like a fool for the Lord?
When I attended school in Lincoln I would often bring food to my homeless friends but I knew the Lord wanted more. He wanted me to stop and pray but when the calling came I froze. I was more in tune with the people around me than the needy in front of me.
News flash: Jesus’s love has no limits. It pays no mind to the social norm. It is not afraid to stand out or to offend. It see’s nothing but the person in need in front of them.
My people this is what he has called me to. I proclaim I am free of the fear of man! I know there is a fierce boldness within me; I don’t have to “wait for it.” To say the Lord has not called me to step out is an excuse to stay in my comfort zone. There is not one person in this world Jesus has not called to fiercely love others in a way that makes people stop and think.
I believe that we are to always ask God whom to pray for and what to pray for but he also asks us to love with no bounds. I desire to fiercely love people and the Lord has assured me that I have this boldness. It also comes the more we aware of his fierce love for us.
Jesus’s death on the cross was not intended to inflict guilt within us but a testimony of his love. Deep down we all desire this, to feel this love and give this love. Life has taught me to hold back, to put up walls but God has made me a new creation (amen). I no longer have to fear hurt or rejection but can love wildly!
I’ve decided to live a life of crazy love. I’ve decided to go where God desires no matter the cost. I’ve decided to tune into him. To no longer pause. This world needs to see a selfless love. This world is longing for a love with no bounds. People are longing for MORE, to know they exist for a purpose.
There is only one way to give people hope: fierce love. I’m stepping out and even though it scares the heck outta me, I know I’m not going on this adventure alone. I’m giving my life back to who it truly belongs, God. I’m saying no sacrifice is too great because the ultimate sacrifice has already been made.
If anything I’ve realized giving this crazy love doesn’t end when I return home for the race but it is only the beginning.
Love.
Ellie
