Control freak

Hello my beautiful people-

There are things in this life that remind us we are human.

To a certain degree, these things are out of our control and can rarely be predicted, throwing us off when they occur.

One of the biggest difficulties while being on the Race is my inability to control ANYTHING. Even my eating and sleeping patterns are being set for me.

The other day we went to the grocery store. This month our team is cooking for ourselves the first two weeks. It sounds silly but the entire process frustrated me. Why? If you are unaware I have an extremely sensitive body. I am walking in healing but we cannot disregard the natural therefore our bodies need a little extra assistance at times. While at the store I came to a realization: in regards to the food we were about to purchase, either I didn't like it or my body doesn't like it (this was unavoidable due to the limited selection). I felt I had no control and instantly missed America and its health foods section.

I recently received an email from my grandma Beth about holiday details. This is the same grandma whose husband was just in the hospital and by the mercy of God, my grandfather is back home with her and recovering. My heart was sad because I wanted nothing more than to be home for the holidays, especially to be with my grandparents who just experienced a near death experience. It is difficult to accept I'm away from my family for 7 more months and once again, I feel like I have no control because I can't be with my family during these times.

These are only a couple examples of how the Race strips all control from my life. Through this I realized something: we are control freaks! Be real with yourself: everyday we make hundreds of decisions and sometimes we have to surrender control but a majority of the time we make the choices.

There are two things I took away from this:
1) Our obsession with self governance prevents us from fully surrendering our lives to the Lord because the concept of losing control freaks us out (trust me, I know).
2) Our obsession with control results from pasts of hurts and scars that prevents us from trusting others.

This is a beautiful life but we were never meant to control it. As I'm stripped of control I must remember this, God is good. he has a plan and as long as I am in his will, I can't make a bad decision. Losing control is a long and difficult process but with every step comes freedom. I must trust God will provide what my body needs. I must trust my God loves my Grandpa more than I could ever imagine and will take care of my family. I must acknowledge he has authority over my life and that all decisions revolve around his will. 

Man, I desire to fully trust my God. I desire to live for him every day, all day.

This journey has not been easy but the more I learn about my God, the more I realize he has my back and always has. I will be on this journey for 7 more months because ultimately through the hard process of losing control, I have experienced more joy and freedom than I have ever felt in my life.