My microbiology professor once said that Noah’s Arc should have left the mosquitos behind. I couldn’t agree with him more.
I will make this part short and sweet because there are more important things to “discuss”. The last couple days in Haiti, I came down with good ole dengue fever (hence the mosquito reference). Google it. Just don’t freak out. Because I’m obviously okay and typing away, or trying to. (Thank you, Jesus) But yeah. Crazy, huh?! It was the wisest decision for me to come home for a couple weeks and heal up completely before moving to the jungle of Bolivia. So, here I am!
It sucks! It sure does. Being away from my squad is difficult, especially in this vital time of communal growth. I think my heart had to truly ache to appreciate each and every individual.. and ache it does! J Squad – you’re all getting momma bear Ellen hugs, whether you like it or not.
The real reason I avoided this blog is because I felt I had little to say. I felt weak, physically and spiritually. There was a sense of numbness. I understood that coming home was the wisest thing, but boy does it make you over-think things. I was sure this, the race, was what the Lord had for me and then He brings me home the second month? I didn’t even miss anyone yet! At first I thought, no big deal. He has something GREAT planned for this time at home. Something BIG is going to happen. Something where my presence is NEEDED.
BECAUSE I’M SO STINKIN IMPORTANT.
Then a week went by. And literally nothing happened… other than consuming ridiculous amounts of Gatorade and hours of Criminal Minds and Say Yes to the Dress.
More time passed. To be honest, I started to allow myself to get annoyed with the Lord. I was falling in love with my team and BOOM. He pulls me out? I acted like I had a right to know why it wasn’t going “as planned”.. .like we agreed on exactly how it was going to go or something. It would make the most sense to consult the one who makes the plans, but instead I tried to take it on myself.
My pride was in the way, still is. I graduated in May and knew the life of a chameleon. I was changing colors with each new backdrop I stepped in front of. (analogies are just the best) Party crew? Didn’t have to ask me twice. Bible study? I’m there. Academics? I practically lived in the library. It worked really well for me, or so I thought. My pride said that I could live the way I wanted with little sacrifice for the one who created me. Unfortunately, pride doesn’t just fade away. Regardless of the setting, it still resides in a little part of my heart that I haven’t been actively defending. But that’s not what I want. That’s not what anyone wants.
So, the lesson I learned in an Adel coffee shop?
I have been taking the cross for granted.
Last night, I spent some much needed time with Jesus. I re-opened a book I had casually flipped through last year and He opened it to the exact page I needed. The paragraph was just waiting for my eyes to find it. Angie Smith, of “Chasing God” states,
“We can never take the cross for granted. When we nod our heads and our hearts remain unmoved, we’ve taken it for granted. Our pride has shadowed the power of Calvary in our lives, and we are willfully allowing it to continue.”
Of course, that segment of the book was already highlighted. Why? Because the Lord had put it on my heart then. I nodded my head, closed the book, and allowed my heart to remain unmoved. Talk about convicting.
It’s a matter of the attitude of our hearts. Our emotions will rise and fall, but His love remains unchanging. Those same emotions will try to define the quality of our faith, but don’t be fooled. For me, at this time, pride is the enemy. The Lord isn’t defined by where I put Him in my priorities. He is fully defined by Himself. The best part of this all is that God chooses to love us, every single day. Even if our pride gets in the way of us choosing Him. Rejoice in that, my friends. It’s beautiful.
Lord, thank you for being a promise-keeper. Thank you for delighting in your children. Thank you for being our safe-haven. Thank you for being our comforter. Thank you for simply calling us to be still, and know you are God.
This morning, I heard this song for the first time. I really need to quit being surprised when God gives me these little gifts. Enjoy.
ONE MORE! YOU SHOULD WATCH THIS IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY! Team R.O.A.R. and Team Free to Be.
Month 1 Update!
