Over the past couple weeks I had been feeling discouraged.
Alone.
Weighed down.
Lost.
I had been feeling as though maybe the race wasn’t where God was calling me.
I sent out over 70 support letters.
Maybe got 12 responses.
I had put out the word on 2 different Facebook accounts.
Only got 1 or 2 responses.
Alerted people to my REI registry.
Only 3 items bought.
Sent follow-up messages to everyone I had sent a letter to.
Only heard from a few (and saw that several had looked, but no response).
Announced shirts on several accounts.
Only 2 bought.
I was feeling like the weight of this fundraising (and entire trip) was planted firmly on my shoulders and I wasn’t sure if I could bear it much longer.
I wanted God to just give me a sign if this is what I was meant to do.
—
So this past Sunday after the sermon we were partaking in communion and worshiping and I just felt this heavy burden hit like a sledge hammer to the gut. I started to tear up…
I walked over to my dear friend Katie, gave her a hug, and then just put my head on her shoulder.
She asked if I was okay and I simply shook my head. And started crying.
I told her what was going on and how I felt like even though I had my amazing friends around to help me prepare… that everything was on me and I was overwhelmed.
We prayed.
—
The next day Katie took me out on a hike up Mary’s Peak. And if you know the area at all, on a clear day you can see every single mountain range in Oregon and Washington from the top of this peak.
We went up to just be with God and bask in His glorious creation.
—
I found a good spot to sit, put out my blanket, grabbed my iPod and Bible and tuned out the world.
It was going to be me and God. No one else.
I read some of the verses that a fellow racer posted about the Greek word “nikao” and how it translates to over comer.
- John 16:33
- 1 John 5:4
- Revelation 3:12
- Revelation 21:7
I was starting to feel a little better but I wasn’t really feeling God’s presence. I was still too focused on my own emotional turmoil and stressed out mentality.
So I took another approach that may sound cheesy but to me it proved God’s ability to speak even if he’s not physically there to do so.
I flipped my Bible to the last page in Revelation, held it up in my open palm and let the wind push the pages. While this was going on the song “Called Me Higher” by All Sons and Daughters was playing.
Closing my eyes I just let the songs lyrics move through me.
As the last note played I placed my hand down on the wind blown Bible and looked at the words.
Below my palm was Matthew 28:18. The Great Commission.
In that moment I knew that this was where God was calling me to go.
He would take care of the finances.
He would take care of the gear.
He would take care of all my fundraising events.
He would take care of all my fears, anxieties, and doubts.
He would take care of me.
I just needed to listen and trust. REALLY trust.
It takes more than just saying you will. You have to actually do it.
Now I am actually doing what I have been saying.
I am trusting. With all that I am.
Pslam 34:4 “I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.”
Put your trust in him and he WILL provide.
