We just finished debriefing in Bangkok. Thinking through last month was very hard. I had to come to a very honest and raw place with my teammates. I feel very broken. I have come to a place where I can no longer do this race on my own strength. I can’t will myself be happier, more agreeable, positive… I don’t want to pretend to be a good person. Jesus didn’t die, so that I could pretend to be a good christian. He died to give us life, and sometimes life looks like crying my eyes out. It looks like me being raw, so that He can heal me. It looks like me being weak, so that God can be strong in my life. Let’s face it, If I want the power of God in my life I need to get over myself, so that He can do His thing.
I no longer feel the turmoil I felt this month. I feel empty, weak, raw, and at peace.
Tomorrow morning we are leaving for Cambodia. It is supposed to be a bumpy 16 hour bus journey. Don’t worry, I have my banana muffins and I-pod ready for the ride.
