Fifteen days. Two weeks from Tuesday, I’ll be on a plane heading back to the States. In most contexts, I would call that “home.” But the funny thing about this year is that I’ve referred to no fewer than eighteen other places as “home.” I did it just last night when leaving church, and asked Julia if she was going to the mall or going home for dinner.
The cliche that comes to mind is that “home is where the heart is.” But what if your heart is with people?
Over the past eleven months, various members of the squad have been listening for where their passions are. Some have found their calling in Africa; some in Asia; some in the Middle East. A few of us haven’t felt drawn to any particular location. Instead, we’re drawn to people. In my case, it’s the people on my squad.
Petra is home. Sofia is home. Kikundi is home. My home isn’t nailed to a particular city or country or house. My heart isn’t in any of the places we’ve been this year. My heart is in the family around me. And in some ways, that makes the transition from country to country easier. But at the same time, it’s going to make the transition back to Pennsylvania harder.
A LOT harder.
Because not everyone thinks and feels the way I do. Some people on my squad are more attached to places. Some people have thrown their hearts into contacts or other people we’ve met along the way. Since my heart is attached to my teammates, it’s going to hurt that much more when we all go our separate ways in fifteen days.
And I’ll tell you a secret: one of my greatest fears is that after the race, the people I’ve spent a year of my life with, the people I’ve left my heart with won’t want it.
They’ll dive right back into their lives at home, across the country, and leave the memories at the airport. We’ll still be facebook friends, and there will be an occasional wall post or message on my birthday, but that’ll be it. No phone calls, no skyping, no ability to pop across the hall and ask for a coffee date.
I realize that this is a worst-case scenario kind of thing, and the experience probably won’t be quite what I have painted in my head. But there is a loss when this kind of thing ends. It reminds me a lot of when I graduated from college, but there’s also something different about this season.
If all else fails, there’s always my dog.
