Today is a very important day. Today Q sQuad is (approximately) halfway through our 11-month journey. The majority of the time this does not seem possible. Other times I look back at the ways that I have been refined, the ways that God has moved in the lives of my sQuamates, and the stamps on my passport and I cannot believe that only 6 months ago I was packing up in my childhood bedroom in Cincinnati. I’ll be honest. As I type this right now from Saldus, Latvia, my heart is racing a little. What if the second half goes even faster than the first? What if I get to the end of this and look back and wonder what impact I had? What if I still don’t have a clue what I want to do when I set foot on American soil? Bah! The questions could just keep coming. So instead of letting my words run away with me, pause with me for a moment to talk to Jesus.
Me: Hey, Jesus. I know you know my heart better than I do, but thanks for listening to me tell you stuff anyway. I think I’m freaking out a little.
Jesus: Yep. I do. But please, go on. I love your crazy thoughts.
Me: K, good. So remember when you called me on the race and I was SO antsy to just get going?
Jesus: Lol. That was a fun day. Remember how I told you that time is a very human concept?
Me: Yeah, well the thing is, me and time are still battling it out. I don’t know if I’m being a good steward of it. I feel like this year is going to be gone and I’m not going to know what happened. What if I don’t make a difference?
Jesus: Well, you’re right. It is going to feel quick and it will be gone sooner than you want it to be. But let’s dig into this “making a difference” thing. I want you to look at the question and ask me again.
Me: What if I don’t make a difference?
Jesus: Good. Look at word #3.
Me: “I?”
Jesus: Yep. That one. Who is doing this work?
Me: Umm…
Jesus: Check out Philippians 1:6. I had this talk with Paul once about the Philippians.
Me: “…he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Jesus: So who began the good work?
Me: You.
Jesus: And who will complete it?
Me: You.
Jesus: Yes. And this brings you freedom! Rest in me. I’ve got this.
Me: But…I can’t see it. I want to see complete work. I want to see the difference. I want to have a plan of acton!
Jesus: Oh, sweet girl. Look around you! This community is a result of my love, that I have given you to share. This adventure is a result of my calling, that you were obedient to. The one-on-one conversations are orchestrated by Me, and it is my wisdom that you share. Guess what else? Your future? That’s taken care of, too. I know you can’t see it right now. That’s why I’m holding your hand. I can’t wait to reveal to you the surprises that I have in store!
Me: I do love surprises…
Jesus: I know! So follow Me. Let’s go find them.
Amen.
