Its been two months now and I can honestly say these past two months have been the hardest but the most joyful months I’ve ever ever experienced…and I haven’t blogged once.
Why you might ask?
Well if you really want to know…its because I’m afraid of being fully known. I’m afraid of people seeing my weaknesses. I’m afraid of being different. I’m afraid that people wont accept me for who I am because of my mess. I’m afraid of being vulnerable. I am afraid of being judged.
Because of this I’m tired. I am tired of constantly putting on an act that I’m okay. I am tired of trying to be perfect. I am tired of justifying my circumstances because other peoples might be worse than my own. My story is valid. I have every right to feel pain and I shouldn’t be ashamed and feel like I have to cover it up.
I’m done with that. I’m done with being afraid. I am willing to be weak. I am willing to be unique. I am willing to be wrong. I am willing to admit that I’m afraid. I am willing to do things even though it might now be cool and others might not like it. I am willing to love unconditionally. I am willing to feel joy. I am willing to believe that I am enough. I am willing to forgive. I am willing to not be defensive. I am willing to listen and let others have the room to talk. I am willing to be known. I am willing to take risks. I am willing to feel my emotions. I am willing to be honest with myself and with others. I am willing to lean into the discomfort. I am willing to step out in courage and be imperfect. I am willing to give myself grace and give others grace. And I willing to let go of who I think I should be and be myself.
I am willing to be vulnerable.
In order to receive healing I must expose my pain and let The Lord have it so that I can be healed. In order for me to have a connection with The Lord, my team mates, my friends, my family I must be vulnerable. I’m done with carrying around this shame I have been carrying my whole life and I’m ready to bring it to the light. I’m worthy of love and belonging. I am done with thinking I’m unworthy and don’t belong.
