For better or worse, I'm fine china. Fine china can be described as for a special purpose, set a part from others, beautiful, or a materpiece. This is what I usually think about when people say that girls are like fine china.
But the other night, I described myself as fragile and can be broken eaisly. Someone who has let others hold her and in the end, dropping her and leaving her in pieces.
I've been shattered quite a few times. I have tried to put glue on and hold myself together until it dries. Then I let someone else in, something happens, and I am shattered again. It's quite the beautiful cycle. A messed up one but that what has been for years.
It hasn't always been a beautiful cycle though. It hasn't been easy but what in life is ever easy.
Yeah, the clearest change on the race for me is my voice. Boldness and confidence followed but it has taken me some time to claim them. I have found joy in the times of worship where I find myself belting out and not caring if everyone else was just whispering. I am filled as I recieve words and/or pictures for others. God knows that
I love serving. And not just that kind of serving that people do every once in a while but the kind of serving that becomes an everyday thing. The kind that seems to find ways to serves.
I'm exhausted. I leave for debrief in 6 hours. I am packed and was falling asleep at midnight when people were coming home. People starting packing. It is and 2:50AM and people are finished. The lights are off and I am not sleeping. I finally worked out a time to skype someone after we've emailed back and forth about days/times for a week. 11pm-5am today was what worked for both of us. I am up. I should be skyping but I am exhausted and don't want to talk about the things that would come up if I had that skype date. So what do I do, I am working on this.
I have more details about what my life is going to look like after the race. Well, at least what August looks like which will be just a little busy but I am okay with that.
Okay, I feel like topics have changed so many times. Sorry about that. My mind has been all over the place lately.
