Written on 10/16 and 10/17
How do you describe a complete change when you feel nothing? When you need to explain how you know that you have the Holy Spirit in you? I guess I'll try my best to do just that.
Well, what happened was…
During a team meeting, I was encouraging Angel when Carly stopped me and told me to repeat it with confidence. Knowing that had been my teammates’ constructive for the past couple truth or dares; I decided that I reluctantly repeat myself. Thank God I did because that is when the change happened. I started speaking truths after that. I spoke in the clearest voice I ever had in my life. I kept speaking truths over people and myself in a way that I have never talked before. No, it was not in tongues. Not that I wouldn't be opposed to that either. The only explanation I had for people was the Holy Spirit. I gave all the glory to Him. I started to prophesize.
To tell you the truth, I had been scared of the word 'prophesize' because I felt like it was somewhat like what a fortune teller would tell you. Satan began to feed little bits of discouragement the next morning. I was told that people wouldn't want to talk to me because they didn't want to hear the truths God had for them. Meaning it would bring things to light that people didn't want to give up yet. God quickly intervened and told me that the truths He was giving me was affirming truths that the individuals had received from others.
We met up with the whole squad on October 11th and I spoke truth to several people. Several people could see and tell the difference within a day. I was blessed to prophesize of Christy and Philip, my squad leaders. I was able to pray over a few people because they believed my words had power. That was a first on all levels. My voice has never had power. It usually gets drowned out.
The best part came on October 14th when we had worship in the capitol of Moldova. I felt overwhelmed and crying at the beginning of worship. And with the sense of competition surrounding members of our squad. Then my teammates started to express their concern about it. The thing is that I didn't even notice that people were trying to do things to impress Philip and Christy. I wasn't thinking about how they are going to choose to squad lead at the end of month 3. I was just obeying God. Anyway, I began to doubt my reasoning for praying to God about some words or pictures He had for the squad. Then speaking those truths over the squad with Philip and Christy. Well, Kyle knew nothing of this but he came and reminded me that I can't go back. That was no mountain peak, but that I am going to be constantly hiking I will be going forward not looking back.
Kyle's touch removed any doubt from me. For the rest of the time, I went to different squad mates speaking truth over them. At one point, I looked up to God and thought 'really, I just want to sing and worship you.' The God whispered, 'Being my voice is worshiping me.' It was quite the revelation. God is giving me words for others and they won’t hear the truths unless I voice them. Unless I obey God even when I feel awkward. Even when it isn't an encouraging word. Even when I am tired. Even when I want to be alone. The thing is that once I start speaking truth over people, God starts filling me up with joy. With each person I go to, God is filling me up. I began skipping and sliding to people. I prayed for Jenna's palms to feel better. I still pray that every time she uses those palms for drums that it won’t hurt. That she will be able to beat until they are done worshipping.
Here's something that I haven't told anyone yet just because it is something that worries me. I feel like God has put the blind on my heart quite a few times. The thing is I don't know if that means he will put in the position to pray for healing over a blind person or he will make me temporarily blind. Or something completely different. But like us world racers say all the time, no expectations. Another funny thing is, I am going to try to actually pick up learning sign language again. I kind of failed at that last month.
Our squad will be coming together on the 22nd to meet up with U squad that is at the end of their race. I feel like God is telling to pray over them individually. The thing is, I don’t which one that is because the list the squads according the month they left, not the letter. If anyone knows which one, please let me know. I think it is on the January 2011 ones but there are two. Maybe I’ll just start blind prophesizing and number them. I’ll pray about that in the morning. I am excited because I want to encourage them. I hope to be encouraged by them.
