“But what I have to say is important and people want to listen to me darnit! I think what I say is crucially important for others to hear. Others tend to agree to what I have to say anyway so I should keep talking. Yeah I know I’ve cut you off and interrupted you a few times but I didn’t want to forget what I had to say and it’s really important for you and others to hear what I have to say. I’m probably right in my way of thinking and what I say so just sit there and listen quietly.” (Arrogant? Course not. 😉
Those were all the thoughts going through my head when I got feedback (more than once mind you and come to think about it, it was brought to my attention back home too) on me dominating conversations. What I didn’t realize was it was a way that I was unintentionally hurting my team. In my dominating conversations I wasn’t leaving the door open for my team to share how they were feeling on the subject. Which in turn gave the feeling that what they had to say was unimportant and not worthy of hearing. I was being selfish in not letting others get their voices heard. I was more important than what they had to say. Ugh that gave me that crunchy feeling inside. It’s so tough walking through your crap barefoot, but it’s the best way to feel everything.
Why did their feedback hurt me? Well probably because I asked the great and powerful….God for a new heart and He delivered. Last year I would not have cared one bit and would have told them to get over it. Also I had to think on why was it so hard to hold my tongue? Some of it stemmed from how I grew up. In my family the loudest person gets heard above the rest (those with loud families understandJ) Also, there tends to be 2-3 conversations going on at the same time. Also I guess a part of me…no I know a big part of me wanted the validation from others that what I had to say was important and that they agreed with my way of thinking.
Now comes the “fixing” process: When should I speak? How not to be passive aggressive in my responses? How to listen to the Father before I speak? I had to really think (before opening my mouth of course) “is what I am going to say bringing life and truth? Is it necessary? Why am I saying what I’m saying? Did I fully listen to everything they had to say before I started formulating my own ideas/responses while they were mid-sentence?”
I am trying to be more aware of my words. I am trying to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I am really trying to think about others words and thinking before my own. It’s that whole “thinking about others before myself” and “loving others above myself” thing. Yeah I’m a wonderful work in progress and in process.
So yes it is good when you have to walk barefoot through your crap so you remember how icky if feels and you try to keep your shoes on next time.
Pockets feeling a little heavy? Well I can help…J I am still in need of $4,872.94 to be fully funded by Feb 1st to continue on The World Race. Every $1 helps (literally). If you feel it in your heart to give then please click on the “support me link” on the left. I know you may be thinking “it’s impossible and only a miracle would do it in 10 days”. Well lucky for me my God does just that, He works miracles and makes the impossible possible. Thank You so much for your support and prayers, I know God hears each one of our prayers. Love you guys and God Bless.
