As I sit here in this crazy house, people who live with a 2yr old know what I'm talking about;) Although it's loud I am going to miss this so much.
I've had a rough couple of days filled with doubt, worry, frustration, jealousy, and fear. The closer my first deadline gets the more stressed and worried I get. I am a little over half way there which is a big feat but I only have a couple weeks left to raise about another $1,500. I am doubting and am mentally preparing for missing the deadline and having to postpone leaving until July. I am trying to have acceptance and joy with whatever happens after the October 2nd deadline. That said I am letting myself and my worries take control over me and not God. Seriously! What's wrong with me. I know God is good and He called me to spread His love and help others around the world. I don't doubt going on the Race at all but like an imperfect human being I'm a doubting the $ issue like so many others.
There's positives and negatives for missing the deadline……
The positives: more time here with my family. We are having all kinds of changes and it would be good to be here for them; I'll be able to see my neice graduate from High School; more time to raise funds; less stress about all the money I need to come up with in a short amount of time and the fundraisers I need to have before departure. And lastly work would really enjoy me finishing out the rest of the school year.
The negatives: I'm ready to leave now. This is what I'm planning for. I'm ready and feel that God is calling me to this race, to leave in January. If I miss deadline I won't be able to go with the people I'm already building relationships with. And if I'm honest with myself….my selfish pride. I don't want to have to put my tail between my legs and have to tell everyone I didn't reach my goal and I'll have to postpone. All these reasons are all selfish reasons…I am well aware of that:(
I am doubting God's greatness. I'm already preparing for disappointment. I'm having lazy faith and using it as an excuse. I need to trust God and know that He can make it happen if He so desires. Who am I to "predict" what will happen. He is sooo flipping AWESOME and I think I'm just getting wrapped up in "money" and forgetting how great and awesome He is. Ummm hello He made the blind see and the deaf hear. My fears are chump change to Him. He will provide. He always does.
So I'm asking for prayer. I need prayer for stronger faith, keeping my eyes and heart on God. I need to rely fully on God. Do my part of course but really leave it at God's feet. I know I'm not the only one with these fears but sometimes I feel a little alone and left behind on the fundraising front. So please pray for me and for the other World Racers.
And if you can give financially…please give!:) Sending a check or clicking on the support me link to the left, greatly appreciated and needed.
Love and God Bless to all of you:*/ Amor y que Dios los Bendiga:*
