Well, I’m finally doing it. I’m finally writing the “I’m home from the world race” blog.
I think I have been avoiding this for a while. Maybe it is because I didn’t want to face the reality that this wonderful season of my life is over. Something about writing this makes it feel final. Maybe it’s because I’m not fully ready to process certain aspects of what happened. Incidentally, The Race made me discover that I process by writing. I’m really more of a verbal processor, but something about writing it out and posting it for the entire world to see feels like a form of verbally processing to me. I don’t journal, not at all. But I do like writing blogs, and I’m even inspired lately to try to write a book.
Throughout the entire race, writing blogs helped me process. It helped me figure things out and it helped me wrestle with my emotions and ultimately, with God. Looking back on it, I realize that blogging was beautiful and occasionally messy, but ultimately it was mine. I am coming to terms with the fact that I love it so I am going to continue to do it, even though the race is over, even if no one reads them.
But anyway, this is how life has been since I got home.
It has been wonderful seeing my family, watching television with my parents again, cooking, baking, sleeping in a bed that was almost too comfortable at first, and speaking about my race and my story. I shower all the time and I go to the gym simply because I can. I have made some new friends that have shown me so much grace in my processing, and I have reconnected with the old friends I knew would always have my back
It has also been difficult. Sometimes I cry over silly things, like commercials. Who knew that a cover girl commercial about lipstick would somehow strike a chord in me because “this one time on the race I wore lipstick….” Its ridiculous. I was warned that everything I experienced on the race would be tested- and it has. All of the growth that happened is suddenly challenged. Now, more than ever, I am understanding the importance of relying on God, the one person that can’t change in any new season.
This new time in my life is exciting and full of unknowns. How will I pay for my apartment since I don’t have a job right now? Will I make friends when I move to Dallas? Am I even supposed to move? What now, God? The list could go on and on, but I know that God has got this. I think Christians feel like they have to say “God has everything under control,” even when there isn’t any part of them that really believes that. But for me, I do believe it. I’m trusting that even when all the crap hits the fan, I will still be joyful and I will still seek to know God more. Even when life is filled with grime, I have to realize that this is part of the process and it. is. beautiful. period.
