Stealing a phrase from Young Life, I would describe my past week at training camp as the best week of my life. I felt the Lord’s presence in ways that I’ve never experienced before and it was amazing! This is something that I couldn’t envision saying prior to training camp.
A little back story on me. I grew up in a Christian family and due to this fact I could recite bible stories and tell you a lot of facts about the Lord. That being said I have not always felt the Lord’s presence in trying circumstances. I struggle with trusting the Lord, trusting that he has good plans for me, and trusting that He is the same today as He was in the Bible. I often compare my walk to others and have felt for a while that there was something missing with my relationship. The relationships my parents, siblings, and friends had with the Lord looked so vibrant, alive, and intimate. I believed in the Lord but I didn’t always experience the Lord in the ways other people did. I didn’t have this complete trust in Him, a trust that He had my best interests in mind. Because of these doubts, I increasingly felt that my relationship with the Lord had plateaued and that I needed to accept that my relationship with the Lord would not be so vibrate and intimate. I needed to accept that my walk with Christ would be good but not great and move forward with my life.
These were my thoughts and doubts heading into training camp. Those doubts were coupled with angst and concern about training camp (concerns like will I like the people on my squad, whose going to be on my team, what are they going to make me do, am I “Christian” enough to even be here) had brought me to a very weird place. Not necessarily the mindset that I thought I should have as a “world racer”, but too late to do anything different, I’m in.
So training camp begins. Our days are filled with a lot of training sessions and getting to know our squad/trainers. There were also times for prayer where we split up as a squad and prayed for each other. Most of the occasions where I prayed with my squad mates and trainers, I did not know them well, hadn’t had any conversations with them about my doubts, and hadn’t given any backstory on what was going on in my life. Literally if they were going to have anything to say about me, it had to be the Lord to give them the words because they did not know me.
I was blown away by what the Lord put on their hearts to share with me. Their words coupled with what I had been reading in my personal time with the Lord confirmed to me how foolish I was to believe that he didn’t have good things planned for me. The Lord specifically addressed the issues I had believing in His goodness, His plans for ME, and His love for ME. He told me he values our relationship more than anything. He died so that I could know him more intimately and He’s always wanted that intimate relationship with me. Until last week, I could believe these things for others but not for myself. Last week I finally grasped that the Lord has always wanted the best for me. Even know typing this, I’m in awe of how the Lord changed my heart and understanding of himself in these times of prayer.
Hearing the Lord speak to each one of my doubts was amazing and exactly what I needed at the time. He’s not through with me yet! Though I have strayed and fallen, I am still his beloved Son and there’s no person or thing that I could do to change that. I still don’t understand that type of grace and mercy! Yet I’m so thankful that I do not have to live in the lies that I am undeserving of this grace. Because of Christ we can all receive this grace and love and it’s the Lord’s desire that we all experience this. I have no doubt that this is true for all of us. Realizing these things all contributed to the past week, being the best week of my life. I’m looking forward to be able to say I’ve had the best week of my life multiple times in the months and years to come!
