This is an update from my time in Thailand to my first week in Nicaragua. Thailand was hard month for me, much like a desert…
Month 6 on Thailand was a rough month for me. To say that I was “in the desert”, as some would call it, is in understatement. Although the ministry was great, the people were cool and the location was beautiful; Thailand was the hardest month for me so far on the race. I began the month already feeling sick physically, kinda burnt out and pretty much ready to get the race over with. Than I got hit by the blind side.
Thailand was the month the Lord told me to prepare for, the month all the men would be together doing ministry…the month I was looking forward to the most. Finally, all the men get to do man things together! We were prepared to build things, to hike distances for ministry and roll in the dirt with some kids. But my expectations for “Man-istry” month was not at all what reality brought me. We did end up building some stuff…but that seemed the be the only thing we actually did. A few of us got to do some marketing for the ministries new coffee shop and restaurant, me being included in that. So that was cool, I got to use some of my skills and passion for videography and Photography. But I felt like so much more was missing. Where are the people?
When the month started we were told about all the cool things that the ministry does throughout the year. Things like; visiting Burmese refuge camps, working in children homes, evangelizing on the border of Burma and Thailand. You know, people things, people kind of ministry. That is the expectations I had when I signed up for the World Race. I love people and I love ministering to people…not building furniture for team housing or doing marketing for businesses…I could do that at home. So as you may guess, my attitude toward ministry in Thailand was a not so good. I was operating much in the flesh and not in the spirit. At this point we were about half way through the month and I had already checked myself out of Thailand: mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Then it happened!
I began to feel really sick, started with a cough then led to fever. I was being stubborn and thought I could sleep it off an take some antibiotics and I would be good. But it just kept getting worse and worse. After throwing up one night and having a fever that kept me sweating and freezing all at the same time, I decided to visit the hospital. We got to the hospital and the nurses took my temperature. 104 Degree Fahrenheit! Oh no, thats not looking good.
I spent the next week in the hospital on IV pumps, cold sweats, no appetite and nurses coming in every hour to check my vitals, give me a cold bath with rags and bucket and some times take my blood for testing. Every test came back negative and the doctors were having a hard time finding out what keeps making my fever jump up and and down. Eventually, one of the doctors made an opinion based conclusion that I had Typhoid Fever. No testing said I had it but the symptoms did…so at least the doctors could treat for an illness they assume I have based on a guess.
This week in the hospital was the darkest time for me on the World Race. I felt distant from God, I felt angry, tired, weary, hungry, and I was ready to get home! I couldn’t eat anything, I couldn’t drink anything…all I could do was lay there and let my mind wonder. So without having a confirmed test result..my mind wondered, “Okay, thats it, I have cancer! Or maybe they have to send me home…what if I never get better…” the thoughts just kept coming and I just kept letting them.
It was a day before we were suppose to be leaving our ministry location and my fever finally decided to stay down for a consistent 24 hours and I could eat with out wanting to throw it right back up. I was released from the hospital, still feeling weak but much better! Then it was time to move to Nicaragua after a few days of debrief in Bangkok. I took advantage of the time and chose to rest and hang out with Jesus.
After being in Nicaragua for a week and being able to process and reflect on my time in the desert, I have found myself on the mountain with God and with a new passion and fire to continue the mission that as been set before me. I believe the Lord has allowed me to go through that time of being sick and downcast, so that I see the importance of having a complete dependency upon the Him and Him alone. Ever since that time of being sick and “walking through the desert” I have been walking with a new fire and passion. My ears and eyes have been open more to see and hear what God is doing and saying.
Now, here I am on the mountain, shouting his praises and being filled with His joy…But I could not have made it to this mountain with out first traveling through the desert.
PS. another update from Nicaragua will be up shortly so be on the look out.
God bless!
