On July 19th we had worship night with the whole squad. But this time around it was different. While I was singing I had a moment with God. I wanted to let him be known as my Father, not only my God. I want to have that personal relationship with God. At that moment I was crying and opening up my heart to let him in. And heal my heart from my past that I have been holding on for so long. With all the hurt I have faced with friends and family and realizing that it is okay to let go. When I was done crying I heard someone laughing and one squad leader explain how the Holy Spirit may work different with everyone.
To me I have heard about the Holy Spirit and how interaction maybe different from others. I have never experienced or seen anything like that until training camp for the World Race. To see others have that kind of relationship with our Heavenly Father. I had my moment with God when it came to the grieving night for a session.
But coming back from training camp I did not spend that much time with God. I went back to my normal routine with going to work and keeping busy. When it came time to get ready for the World Race I was so frustrated with last minute shopping and running errands.
Then it came time to pack up and get ready for launch. I forgot some items that I wish I would have brought with me. But when I arrived in Washington DC I was so nervous and realized that it was for real that I was about to leave for the World Race. I was not thinking or thanking my God for this wonderful journey he is about to take me on.
That night of worship, I became real to me that I am on the race. That all pain I have held on for so long about fears and loss. That I was weeping and finally I asked God to take all my hurt in my heart and to heal it. I am ready to be a true daughter for Him, to stand out and serve Him. When I was done weeping God made that switch.
At first I was laughing at the person sitting next to me. So God took that moment and opened the gate to my heart. I started to laugh with the Holy Spirit and I started to get renewed and God was saying for all the tears you have shed now you will be laughing with joy. And after all that moment I did feel new and more connected to God, that he is no longer just my God but my Father. I am no longer scared to call him my Father.
