Still processing the last few months here – God’s been taking me on a thrill ride and I’m learning a lot faster than I can blog, so bear with me as I catch you all up.
If I were to choose one thing that describes what V Squad as a whole has been learning on this trip, it would be love. God’s love is such an incredibly powerful thing that I’m amazed we have been able to learn anything else, but it’s unquestionably the most impactful thing I’ve been learning.
Since launch back in January I’ve been getting what amounts to a crash course in being loved. It’s pretty awesome. Starting with dissolving into a puddle of tears and fears and surrender in a tiny room at launch, letting go of my pride and accepting for the first time in my life that God could truly love me, I’ve begun to accept and desire that incredible love in my life. I learned in Peru, when I said farewell to team HIS, that I was capable of a more intense love than I had ever experienced in my life. I learned in El Salvador that God loves me so much that He won’t permit ANYONE – even me – to condemn me. I learned in one tear-drenched night of mourning in Kenya that love knew no limits, and that God would expand my capacity to love more every time I asked for it. I learned the unifying power of love every time I’ve been sent to a new team, every time I’ve seen a new street child that grabbed hold of my heart, every time I had to say farewell to a contact or friend that I connected with. I learned that the one thing that God never stops saying to me is the simple, powerful phrase, “I love you.” I’m learning to hear that everywhere.
In Kenya, a few of us men rented motorcycles on an off day and (after I re-learned how to drive a bike) set off for an hour’s trip through the Rift Valley. I stared as often as I could out over the incredibly lush green valley, and I heard a Voice deeper than any 150cc engine echo out to me, “I love you.” We arrived at our destination – a series of breathtaking waterfalls – and climbed on rocks and took our shirts off and howled at the sunset, and I felt a peace deeper than any physical comfort surround me and felt my spirit resonate to the call of, “I love you.” I sat on the shores of Lake Victoria, watching the birds soar over fishing boats and cargo ships and gorgeous palm trees, and I heard Love Himself whisper gently to me, “I love you.” I huddled on a porch in the middle of the Ugandan bush with four motorcycles, twelve people, and three chickens, and in every ping on the tin roof from the pouring rain I heard the refrain that I had been designed to come alive to: “I Love You!“ I sat on a log on a white sand beach in Zanzibar, the warm Indian Ocean lapping at my feet, as the setting sun lit the sky on fire, and I heard a Voice like a thousand waves breaking on the coral reef out to sea call to me, “I love you.“ I danced and sang with abandon to a djembe-and-guitar worship session in a half-finished concrete church in the middle of a valley in Thailand, mountains shrouded in falling darkness marching away to the west, and over the music I felt my heart leap to hear the sound of a mighty army marching to the tune of, “I LOVE YOU!”
I’m learning to hear the Voice of Love cover me with reassurance and comfort everywhere I go. I’m learning to detect God’s call to my life and to run with what He asks. I’m learning that following God, ignoring every hesitation and fear and barrier the enemy throws in my way, turns out to be the best choice it’s possible to make. I’m learning that I am loved. It’s a beautiful lesson.
I’m learning a lot about identity, too – who I am, who I should be, who I’ve been created to be. I’ll see if I can update you with all that good stuff soon, but for now here’s a quote that really resonates with me where I’m at:
when the only alternative is to cut a deal at the price of one’s
integrity. It is a lonely yes to the whispers of our true self, a
clinging to our core identity when companionship and community support
are withheld. It is a courageous determination to make unpopular
decisions that are expressive of the truth of who we are-not of who we
think we should be or who someone else wants us to be. It is trusting
enough in Jesus to make mistakes and believing enough that His life will
still pulse within us. It is the unarticulated, gut-wrenching yielding
of our true self to the poverty of our own unique, mysterious
personality.”
-Brennan Manning
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We’re having an incredible time in manistry. God’s showing up pretty much every night in HUGE ways and we’re all growing by leaps and bounds, and I know it’s because we all came together in unison on the first night and committed to pursuing God together. I can’t say enough how true it is that love – from God, for God, and for one another – “binds everything together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14)
God bless you all, and I’ll see you next time!
