This month in peru was like a roller coaster. The first week was stressfull and challenging with cooking and working VBS. Being surrounded by thirty something girls had its distractions and struggles. Showering once a week was not on my agenda. Then we had a week of physical labor painting and cleaning rubble. Then we started going deeper into each persons lives and the struggles we have.
Many people have scars from past abuse or neglect, but I never had any of that. I did however have stryggles with insecurity and identity. I have struggled for over a decade with self esteem and comparing myself to others to find my self worth. I continually battle with trying to identify who I am and what defines me. Am I where I am today because of my choices, or did i just follow the paths of others.
In the sessions last week we dove into these issues. My team encouraged me that my identity is not in my skills as a cook or me pleasing others. My identity is in Jesus and the love he has for me. Our squad leader Wez encouraged me to remember that I am loved just as I am without doing anything to earn it. I do not need to compare myself to others or seek approval, I have everything I need in Christ. I am still working on being content in who I am and using my skills to bless others and not seek approval, but I feel a little less burdened with the need to find my identity in my works or relationships with others, I can focus on being me in Christ. AMEN!!
And if that was not enough, the last night at the church, the pastor wanted to pray over the men. When my time came, it was like she was a funnel channeling what God wanted me to hear. I have always been sceptical about what the Holy Spirit can do in our modern days. I believe God can do whatever he wants, however he wants. I have been wanting to see miraculous healing. The pastor roughly said “… there are things I have not yet seen, but The Lord said I will see them. I will be a powerful Man of prayer. I will lay hands on people and they will be healed. People who do not know Christ will come to know him because of the change in me…” Through translation it may be a little different, but God wanted me to hear this. I am so excited for the rest of this journey. I have chills just writing this.
This month has been great. In all the struggle and fun, I have seen the depth of God’s Love for the people of peru and for our squad, but especially for me.
