Something that I learned this past week at debrief is that there is something very powerful about our voices. This is something that I have always struggled with whether it be just speaking to a group of people, praying out loud for a friend or a group or just speaking truth over myself. Ever since I can remember I've always feared my own voice. I never thought that what I had to say mattered so I just never spoke up or when I would say something I was either made fun of or it wasn't good enough. Because of this, ever time I speak up I feel as if I'm being judged for what I have to say so somewhere along the way I quit speaking up and using my voice.
This past month I had multiple people come up to me and tell me that I needed to speak up more in our squad. That people look up to me and they believe that my voice is powerful. They want to know what I have to say. This blew me away because I never spoke up unless I was called on. When these people told me this I thought they were crazy. But I would soon find out I was the crazy one for not using my voice.
Wednesday night, God truly showed me how BIG this lie I was believing. I got to eat dinner with my squad mate Moriah, and we started talking about our week at debrief and all about our month. I told her how I had been in this state of depression and how I was trying to get out of it's trap. So after we finished dinner, she prayed over me and then she told me that I needed to pray and speak truth over myself. I froze. Then the lies started to pour into my head.
-Moriah is going to judge me for not saying the right words.
-God isn't going to listen to my prayer.
-My voice isn't powerful enough to save myself.
These were all lies straight from the pit of hell. And I had believed all of them for the longest time.
Once she realized I couldn't/wouldn't do this she told me we were going to the rooftop of our building. When we got up there, the sky was covered in clouds. We could only see about 3 stars. If you don't know stars are my absolute favorite thing to look at. I could sit outside for hours star gazing. I told her that just to get off topic and not have to talk about what was going. We talked some more about the freedom I want to step into and the person I want to become this year. Again, she told me I needed to speak truth and life into myself and that I needed to rebuke Satan and tell him to get the heck out of my life. As Moriah was telling me all of this, I was looking up at the sky, watching the clouds disappear. They really disappeared right in front of my eyes. I was one of the coolest sights I had ever seen. As the clouds disappeared and stars started coming out of no where. It was breath taking. At that ever moment I knew it was all going to be okay.
I soon worked up the courage to talk to God. I told him the truth holding nothing back. It felt amazing. For the first time I was able to believe what I was telling God and I knew he was listening to me. I spoke truth and life over myself and believed it as well! In return, God continued to clear the sky, and the stars sparkled with God's love for me. The cool this is that He had only cleared the part of the sky we were standing under.
God showed me that night that my voice is powerful. Not only can it bring life to myself but it can also bring life to others. It's crazy how when you don't use your voice it can bring death over you. God didn't give it to use to be silent.
I want to challenge you this week to speak life and truth not only over yourself but over others as well. I trust God will show you how powerful your words are, just like he did for me on the rooftop of our hostel on Wednesday night.
Peace and Blessings
D.R.H.
